dojj

iTrader: (3)

the other day my mum was telling me about some bloke on the bus who was making a bit of a racket, he was a bit pissed up and a bit lairy so my mum being my mum decided that he needed to quieten down a bit

so, as you would expect, the bloke started get all shouty at her so eventually the driver punted him off the bus

scroll forward a few days and there is a knock on the door and there a few of my old mans friends there asking him if he's going to come out with them, my old dear is reminding him not to come back too late when all of a sudden, she stops as she's spotted shouty man in amongst this group of blokes so she's let rip at him

surrounded by his mates, with my old man giving him one of the looks that says "i think you've fucked up, run along now before we beat the shit out of you" he's given a right grovelling apology to my old dear for embarrassing her and how he didn't know who she was and the same hands together pleading for mercy speech to the old man

the guy was absolutely bricking it as i rolled up to see what the commotion was about

a little bit of background to set the scene, it's not that my old mans super hard or the like, but he knows EVERYONE and EVERYONE knows him and he's definitely not the sort of guy who you'd want to get on the wrong side of, he's done stuff that would make you think twice (the most recent one was about 18 months ago when some blokes he was playing cards with got killed, beaten up with his own walking stick ) and there was a time when he was THE go to man to get stuff, get you out of trouble, lend you a couple of grand, ANYTHING you wanted and all you had to do was ask, ok, so this was a few years ago now and he's mellowed in his old age, but he's still got a few strings he can pull and a few favours he could call in

you really did need to be there to see what the dealio was, but i've seen it happen so many times before i was trying my hardest not to just crack up

i'm sure i'll have an update at some point tomorrow, hopefully not from the police station been there, done that before

Dal_

iTrader: (2)

Chip

iTrader: (3)

If anyone bothers to read that (unlikely I realise) can they let me know in 50 words or less roughly what it says?

R4N SS

iTrader: (6)

pmsl @ dal

Retro Al

iTrader: (1)

Basicly, his mum and dad are harder than yours!

Chip

iTrader: (3)

oh right cheers

dojj

iTrader: (3)

only my dad

and probably was

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Perhaps he should take up that dancing stuff you like watching (wwf I think its called?)

vroooom ptssssh

Shouldn't this be in the muppet room?

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

Ironic you posted it pmsl, as your on my banned list


Oops just noticed I thought post two was yours lol

mrjenrst

*dojjanory*

dawesy1700

im lost? did you just say your dad beat a bloke to death with his own walking stick?? or he was just there? and did the bloke get killed cause he kept shouting SNAP! when it wasn't the same card as the last one?

david 100

I see a big policeman knocking on his door.

I look foward to the next instalment

Jimbo.

?

dojj

iTrader: (3)

he's 70 odd years old and most of the guys he hangs around with are at least 50, but they were playing cards and there was an arguement one some blokes beat another guy over the head with the guys own walking stick

end reslut, the bloke died

so if they are still arguing about 50p and a game of cards, can you imagine what they were like when they were youngsters?

well yes, i can because the old man still shows off his missing teeth when he got hit in the face with a stick

dojj

iTrader: (3)

afpmsl that's almost spot on

Darylc.

iTrader: (1)

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

So your mother talks shit like you do?

Dangerous Malcolm..

It used to be the WWF, but the World Wildlife Fund had already coined the abreviation so they had to change it. Not sure what it is now as I grew up and started reading comics!! HTH.

Martin-Hadland

iTrader: (2)

Way too many words!

david 100

Why post this thread, no ones interested, its utter bollocks.

JayCC

Agreed.

dojj

iTrader: (3)

when vince snr owned it it used to be World Wide Wrestling Federation
then vince jnr bought him out and it stayed WWWF
there was an agreement with the World Wildlife Fund not to use the WWF logo
vince, being the cunty businessman that he is, fucked them off and used the WWF symbol anyway
no one gave a shit
then the internet came along
the WWF.com site was then worth a lot of money
the WWF (panda peeps) took vince to court in the uk
they won
the WWF (panda peeps) then said that they would be willing to let vince continue to use the WWF.com site
but it was on a half page wrestling page and one half page panda peeps page and then you could go to one or the other afterwards
the only stipulation was that vince would have to pay the panda peeps $1,000,000,000 to use the site
for those of you who didn't understand that, that's ONE BILLION US DOLLARS for a web site
vince then said "fuck you cunts" and simply changed the name of the company to World Wrestling Entertainment
the rest is history

RS Grant

iTrader: (1)

I love the picture that you painted mate:


























Cheers,
Grant

TurboShed

OMG I can't believe CHIP just posted that. LOL.

Dangerous Malcolm..

Grant = LEGEND!!!

xr2john

Another pointless dojj thread

jamie's

when you rolled up were you in you bentley?
you must have looked a right gangsta if you were?

shauns

pointless but yet i still had to read it

MadMac

faisal

oooh im scared your dads a gangster ill stay away lol a real person wont say anything or do anything he would just come 1 night and kill you end of

PileOfRust

Grant - LOL

STAFFY OWNER

The fact it was posted by a muppet does not automatically qualify it for the muppet room and as there is no "steaming pile of bullshit room" dojj decided to post it in here so that we can all discuss it.

dojj

iTrader: (3)

for those who need to have less words

my mum gets into a row with one of my dads friends on a bus but neither knows each other
he then knocks for my dad
my mum opens the door
my mum kicks off
calls me
he see's my dad (osg)
guy bricks it
he see's me
bricks it some more
we lol
end

vaughant

iTrader: (1)

This has the makings for the best thread of 2010!!!

As will Mckenzie would say from the inbetweeners,"a few points".

1.in all the time this guys known your father,he's never seen his wife?possible.
2.seeings as your dads a local gangsta WTF is mrs dojj doing on the bus?surely a limo or taxi would be appropriate for the local dons wife?
3.so your dad witnessed an oap murder?any links to the newspaper articles?give us the rough location and I'll try googling it.
4.why would your old man lend randoms a few grand?so he's a loan shark now as well?
5.you come across as a lovely chap dojj,but really,is this story true or just slightly exaggerated to make it more exciting?

Personally I'd say what happened was,man pissed up on bus,your mum sat there tutting (as mums do!!!),guy turns up at your house with his mates unwittingly,mum tells dad no way your going out with these louts,dad says "yes dear",dad goes back inside,you turn up as the bloke and his mates go off down the pub without your old man as he's now in the doghouse,correct?

Btw,love you dojj!!!

And I said nice things about you over on retrorides!!!

xr2john

Personally I'd say what happened was,man pissed up on bus,your mum sat there tutting (as mums do!!!),guy turns up at your house with his mates unwittingly,mum tells dad no way your going out with these louts,dad says "yes dear",dad goes back inside,you turn up as the bloke and his mates go off down the pub without your old man as he's now in the doghouse,correct?




Sounds a bit more like the truth.

Minirotty

@ this thread.

How do you managed to hold your head high and keep posting this shit

dojj

iTrader: (3)

1, loads of randoms know my old man, i get people stopping me on the street before saying they know me through my old man and telling me to say hello to him, what am i supposed to do? say i met some bloke who said hello thing is though, he asks me what they were wearing and then it's "oh yes, it's him, he lives over there and we played cards together 15 years ago" or soemthing

2, the old mans never spent money on anything if he can help it, ffs he goes to casinos because he gets free lifts there (he lends other guys money) just so he can get free food and drink
you've obviously never known an indian, 2 sayings "he squeezes a penny so hard the queen screams" and "you come here asking for £10, thinking you'll get £5, you need £3 so here's £1" so he's not ever going to get a motor, he's had his days of mercs and beemers and stuff, he went through a phase of bringing home a different car every weekend, no questions were asked, back in the 80's

3, i'll ask him

4, yes, loan sharking is one of his many sidelines, as mentioned before, going to casino's of a weekend is common for him as it is for my oldest uncle, card counting is their spciality if they play cards with normal mugs (i could tell you tales of how he once got threatened with a kicking rouind the back of a pub over a £1500 fiddle before he said "i know you, you'r him arn't you" to which the guy said "yeah and?" and the old man said "i'm thingies uncle, he used to run that dojo back in the day you used to train at" at which point the guy said "let me buy you a pint" (ask anyone from back in the day, and i'm not exactly bragging but i'm sure plenty of peeps from the southall area will back me up on this one, but there were 2 asian gangs, the holy smokes and the tooti nungs who basiclly had loads of scraps with each other, and my cousin and his mate, just the 2 of them, put 15 guys in hospital in a pub brawl, they were after all, both 3rd dan black belts and one had come fairly high up the list in a recent karate tournament, and my cousin just happens to be 5 foot 8 and was the thick end of about 16 stone back in the day and even as short a while back as 5 years ago, his name was still legendary in our neck of the woods, but i digress) but nowadays they simply fund their fellow gamblers, money lent is either paid back at the end of the night with a small fee, or it's paid back at 2% a month, and with several shopkeepers in his pocket back in the day, it really was a case of "yeah, take what you want, i'll square it up with your old man later" for all of us free bus passes for the family

5, mate, if i were to tell you of the things that he got up to back in the day, i'd be here all night and day, and month, and then i'd probably have the old bill knocking down my door
my grandad was the big man back in the village, think big paulie from goodfella's and you get the idea, and thigns sort of followed on with the kids to go along with the family business, a millionaire several times over in india, masses and masses of land, clout both political and physical should it be required, getting away with murder were some of the things they couldn't be charged with as "you can't accuse someone in his position of doing something like that, fuck off out of the police station before we break your legs" etc

you forget that guns and corruption are an everyday risk in india and if you don't have the biggest group of mercenaries then you get fucked over, watch sholay if you doubt me

anyone, i'll stop now as i'm sure people will want to read this later

Minirotty

Has anyone read the above update from Dojj?

Paddy

I did.

I wouldn't fuck with his mum.

But then, what if she took a shine to me and said she'd tell his dad if I didn't doink her?

I think we are all just better off leaving them all alone.