The single hardest thing you've ever had to do ?
25-08-2010, 05:11 PM
#1
The single hardest thing you've ever had to do ?
We were taking at work today about the hardest thing that we have all ever had to do, and it made me think. I've had some tough decisions to make and had to do some really difficult things (as have we all) but this one was the toughest for me. As some of you may know, my dad died suddenly on 7th January this year, and he was buried on the 22nd which was a Friday. On the Tuesday (19th) I went and physically saw my dad for the last time at the funeral directors and actually said 'goodbye' to him, knowing that I would never see him again. That was THE hardest thing I have ever done.
So guys, what's the ONE toughest thing you've ever had to do ? Please keep this clean and sensible topic, and maybe we can all learn something
So guys, what's the ONE toughest thing you've ever had to do ? Please keep this clean and sensible topic, and maybe we can all learn something
25-08-2010, 05:18 PM
#5
Chasing Radders
Stu--I know how you felt having to see your Dad in the chapel....i had to do the same 7 years ago when he passed, was a VERY hard thing to do but so glad i did..
One of the hardest things i found was when me and the Ex wife split up and seperated, having to live my life without my kids living with me.....
Yes i see then regular and they are always here with me when ever they want to be but just going from them being there ALL the time to them being there at certain times and not being able to kiss them goodnight EVERY night i found very hard at the start....
One of the hardest things i found was when me and the Ex wife split up and seperated, having to live my life without my kids living with me.....
Yes i see then regular and they are always here with me when ever they want to be but just going from them being there ALL the time to them being there at certain times and not being able to kiss them goodnight EVERY night i found very hard at the start....
25-08-2010, 05:27 PM
#6
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So far to date it has to be walking away from my ex's little boy.
We were together for 3 years, when I first got with her he was only 3 months old, he called me Dad and we had a massive bond, so much so that the first person he would ask for would be me when she went to pick him up from her parents house. We split up in November last year and I miss him more than I miss her. (Tbh I wouldnt bat an eye lid if I never seen her ever again because she was a nasty, jealous and possesive piece of work)
But im now seeing someone else, very very happy and hopefully I will get to be a real Dad soon.
We were together for 3 years, when I first got with her he was only 3 months old, he called me Dad and we had a massive bond, so much so that the first person he would ask for would be me when she went to pick him up from her parents house. We split up in November last year and I miss him more than I miss her. (Tbh I wouldnt bat an eye lid if I never seen her ever again because she was a nasty, jealous and possesive piece of work)
But im now seeing someone else, very very happy and hopefully I will get to be a real Dad soon.
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25-08-2010, 05:32 PM
#8
MP for K.I.S.S
Carrying my gran's (mum's side) coffin at her cremation with my brother. My mum was in pieces and me and my brother adored my gran. We really struggled to hold it together for my mum.
After the event, me and Kris went to a field outside Haverton Hill near Middlesbrough where she used to play as a kid and we broke down, both of us. Just stayed there for over an hour, crying on each other's shoulders.
A year later, we went through the same thing with my Grandad (mum''s side). Was a really shitty year.
After the event, me and Kris went to a field outside Haverton Hill near Middlesbrough where she used to play as a kid and we broke down, both of us. Just stayed there for over an hour, crying on each other's shoulders.
A year later, we went through the same thing with my Grandad (mum''s side). Was a really shitty year.
25-08-2010, 05:35 PM
#9
similar to the OP's
My dad had cancer, from initial diagnosis to him dieing was 6 months. On the night he died i went out and played football as i normally did, found out that while i was playing he died.
Went to see him and to be left alone with him in his bed was the toughest thing i've ever had to do; i was crying and saying sorry i wasnt there when he died and to say goodbye.
My dad had cancer, from initial diagnosis to him dieing was 6 months. On the night he died i went out and played football as i normally did, found out that while i was playing he died.
Went to see him and to be left alone with him in his bed was the toughest thing i've ever had to do; i was crying and saying sorry i wasnt there when he died and to say goodbye.
25-08-2010, 05:43 PM
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We were taking at work today about the hardest thing that we have all ever had to do, and it made me think. I've had some tough decisions to make and had to do some really difficult things (as have we all) but this one was the toughest for me. As some of you may know, my dad died suddenly on 7th January this year, and he was buried on the 22nd which was a Friday. On the Tuesday (19th) I went and physically saw my dad for the last time at the funeral directors and actually said 'goodbye' to him, knowing that I would never see him again. That was THE hardest thing I have ever done.
So guys, what's the ONE toughest thing you've ever had to do ? Please keep this clean and sensible topic, and maybe we can all learn something
So guys, what's the ONE toughest thing you've ever had to do ? Please keep this clean and sensible topic, and maybe we can all learn something
25-08-2010, 05:44 PM
#11
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Benni.
25-08-2010, 06:00 PM
#12
stu , as said before massive condolences to you and also fellow posters ,
mine has to be loosing my dad , he got diagnosed in the november , i gave up my job in the january when he got really bad , spent every day taking him to the hospital ect ,
lol rember one night i snuck him out the hozzy... wheelchair n all at about 1 am in the evening , for fish n chips pmsl we drove around for an hour trying to find a chippy ..that was the last time me n him had a chuckle
anyway ,couple of weeks later , he passed away on fathers day 2009 , id spent the evening before sat in his room with him watching him struggle to breathe ,holding his hand ect . 8 am the next morning i left to go home to get sum sleep upon the orders of family ect ,
i got woken up @ 10:25 am by my mum to say he had passed away ....
my dad lived 5 min from me but that walk seemed like it took an hour
when i got to his house i closed his eyes , sat in the room whilst everyone came and said there goodbyes , held my brothers whilst they broke down in tears , and had to help carry him down with the funeral directors ,
i organised the entire funeral , he got a massive turnout me and some close family carried him into the crem
i conducted the full 45 minuite ceramony including talking about his life , intrducing three friends who spoke about him , played his songs and even the final committal and closed the curtains in the chapel , all without breaking down ,
even now i kinda dont know how i managed , at the time it didnt seem real ,i wanted to do him proud so i kept it together ,
looking back , it has to be the single most hardest thing ive done , and its only a year or so on the harsh reality of loosing my dad and best mate is sinking in .......
i really do feel for folk who have lost people , and i can also relate to sapphlover loosing a ex partners child , as been in your situation aswell fella word for word ,
beef
mine has to be loosing my dad , he got diagnosed in the november , i gave up my job in the january when he got really bad , spent every day taking him to the hospital ect ,
lol rember one night i snuck him out the hozzy... wheelchair n all at about 1 am in the evening , for fish n chips pmsl we drove around for an hour trying to find a chippy ..that was the last time me n him had a chuckle
anyway ,couple of weeks later , he passed away on fathers day 2009 , id spent the evening before sat in his room with him watching him struggle to breathe ,holding his hand ect . 8 am the next morning i left to go home to get sum sleep upon the orders of family ect ,
i got woken up @ 10:25 am by my mum to say he had passed away ....
my dad lived 5 min from me but that walk seemed like it took an hour
when i got to his house i closed his eyes , sat in the room whilst everyone came and said there goodbyes , held my brothers whilst they broke down in tears , and had to help carry him down with the funeral directors ,
i organised the entire funeral , he got a massive turnout me and some close family carried him into the crem
i conducted the full 45 minuite ceramony including talking about his life , intrducing three friends who spoke about him , played his songs and even the final committal and closed the curtains in the chapel , all without breaking down ,
even now i kinda dont know how i managed , at the time it didnt seem real ,i wanted to do him proud so i kept it together ,
looking back , it has to be the single most hardest thing ive done , and its only a year or so on the harsh reality of loosing my dad and best mate is sinking in .......
i really do feel for folk who have lost people , and i can also relate to sapphlover loosing a ex partners child , as been in your situation aswell fella word for word ,
beef
Last edited by -beefy-; 25-08-2010 at 06:03 PM.
25-08-2010, 06:02 PM
#13
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Gotta be my grandad..
many years ago when was 19 was staying there and he collapsed with a heart attack.. i managed to keep him alive while the ambulance got there 15-20 mins..
after 3 days he was all good in hospital messing around with the nurses etc ( taking off his heart monitor etc.. silly bugger)..
anyway everyone was so proud of me of what i had done... but would have done it for anyone... 3am next morning he died... cut me up bad and i couldnt go see him...dunno why now but just couldnt...sure do miss the old git 8)....old astra gte i had got a good seeing to that night from what i remember...
didnt realise how much my nan loved him..she was always the "posh" one lol... she took her own life 6 months later leaving a letter explaining why 8(
10 years ago dad also had heart attack..tried my best (was with him again) but no luck...
miss um all badly
many years ago when was 19 was staying there and he collapsed with a heart attack.. i managed to keep him alive while the ambulance got there 15-20 mins..
after 3 days he was all good in hospital messing around with the nurses etc ( taking off his heart monitor etc.. silly bugger)..
anyway everyone was so proud of me of what i had done... but would have done it for anyone... 3am next morning he died... cut me up bad and i couldnt go see him...dunno why now but just couldnt...sure do miss the old git 8)....old astra gte i had got a good seeing to that night from what i remember...
didnt realise how much my nan loved him..she was always the "posh" one lol... she took her own life 6 months later leaving a letter explaining why 8(
10 years ago dad also had heart attack..tried my best (was with him again) but no luck...
miss um all badly
Last edited by Slackbladder; 25-08-2010 at 06:03 PM.
25-08-2010, 06:05 PM
#14
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stu , as said before massive condolences to you and also fellow posters ,
mine has to be loosing my dad , he got diagnosed in the november , i gave up my job in the january when he got really bad , spent every day taking him to the hospital ect ,
lol rember one night i snuck him out the hozzy... wheelchair n all at about 1 am in the evening , for fish n chips pmsl we drove around for an hour trying to find a chippy ..that was the last time me n him had a chuckle
anyway ,couple of weeks later , he passed away on fathers day 2009 , id spent the evening before sat in his room with him watching him struggle to breathe ,holding his hand ect . 8 am the next morning i left to go home to get sum sleep upon the orders of family ect ,
i got woken up @ 10:25 am by my mum to say he had passed away ....
my dad lived 5 min from me but that walk seemed like it took an hour
when i got to his house i closed his eyes , sat in the room whilst everyone came and said there goodbyes , held my brothers whilst they broke down in tears , and had to help carry him down with the funeral directors ,
i organised the entire funeral , he got a massive turnout me and some close family carried him into the crem
i conducted the full 45 minuite ceramony including talking about his life , intrducing three friends who spoke about him , played his songs and even the final committal and closed the curtains in the chapel , all without breaking down ,
even now i kinda dont know how i managed , at the time it didnt seem real ,i wanted to do him proud so i kept it together ,
looking back , it has to be the single most hardest thing ive done , and its only a year or so on the harsh reality of loosing my dad and best mate is sinking in .......
i really do feel for folk who have lost people , and i can also relate to sapphlover loosing a ex partners child , as been in your situation aswell fella word for word ,
beef
mine has to be loosing my dad , he got diagnosed in the november , i gave up my job in the january when he got really bad , spent every day taking him to the hospital ect ,
lol rember one night i snuck him out the hozzy... wheelchair n all at about 1 am in the evening , for fish n chips pmsl we drove around for an hour trying to find a chippy ..that was the last time me n him had a chuckle
anyway ,couple of weeks later , he passed away on fathers day 2009 , id spent the evening before sat in his room with him watching him struggle to breathe ,holding his hand ect . 8 am the next morning i left to go home to get sum sleep upon the orders of family ect ,
i got woken up @ 10:25 am by my mum to say he had passed away ....
my dad lived 5 min from me but that walk seemed like it took an hour
when i got to his house i closed his eyes , sat in the room whilst everyone came and said there goodbyes , held my brothers whilst they broke down in tears , and had to help carry him down with the funeral directors ,
i organised the entire funeral , he got a massive turnout me and some close family carried him into the crem
i conducted the full 45 minuite ceramony including talking about his life , intrducing three friends who spoke about him , played his songs and even the final committal and closed the curtains in the chapel , all without breaking down ,
even now i kinda dont know how i managed , at the time it didnt seem real ,i wanted to do him proud so i kept it together ,
looking back , it has to be the single most hardest thing ive done , and its only a year or so on the harsh reality of loosing my dad and best mate is sinking in .......
i really do feel for folk who have lost people , and i can also relate to sapphlover loosing a ex partners child , as been in your situation aswell fella word for word ,
beef
need to be a strong person to do that mate
25-08-2010, 06:11 PM
#16
Super Moderator
Mine so far is seeing my grandad just after he died in the ambo then going down to see him in the funeral directors really wish I never done it
And carrying his coffin along with my 2 brothers I dont know how I done it my legs were shaking so bad I did think I was going fall..
Then watching my Mum suffer with her grief which in turn has made her ill.
And carrying his coffin along with my 2 brothers I dont know how I done it my legs were shaking so bad I did think I was going fall..
Then watching my Mum suffer with her grief which in turn has made her ill.
Last edited by Mrs T; 25-08-2010 at 08:08 PM.
25-08-2010, 06:26 PM
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I would agree with original poster on this hardest thing ive had to do was see my mum just after she had died,prob about 2 hours later i went to see her as she died in dove house hospice early hours of the mornin,i probly spent an hour with her talkin to her and crying just sat with her i found very comforting,the next was when i was eleven and my day died from bowel cancer that was hard tryin to be there for my mum and little sister but also bein so upset myself,im now down to havin a little sister as family from blood although i do have my gf family its not same as ur own,i would be happy to talk to anyone who wanted to who is goin thru this i know how hard it is,time is not a healer in my eyes i miss them just as much now as i did then and its been 3 yrs since my mum and 17 since my dad just wanted to get this off my chest anyways
just wanted to get this off my chest anyways
25-08-2010, 06:29 PM
#19
PassionFord Post Whore!!
Some sad things happened to people in here, makes me feel kind of lucky at the moment but also scared as havnt had anyone really close to me pass away yet.
Last edited by jaiscossie; 25-08-2010 at 06:39 PM.
25-08-2010, 06:30 PM
#20
Professional Waffler
Without a shadow of a doubt it was taking the desicion to put down Thomas our horse. Hardest thing ever when I hugged him for that last time and walked away
25-08-2010, 06:36 PM
#22
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25-08-2010, 06:41 PM
#24
Redumbdancy
I'll never ever forget the evening of Thursday 31st August 2000 - my father was knocked off his bike by a speeding motorist (doing 50mph in a 30mph). My mum and I were collected from our house in a police car and taken straight to A&E where my Mum had to identify him. We then waited for 5 hours, wondering what his injuries were, until he'd been put into intensive care and we were allowed to see him.
At about 00:30 we were taken to see him and discovered how bad it was:
-Punctured lung
-Two broken shoulder blades
-Broken ankle
-Broken knee cap
-3 broken ribs
-3 brain hemorages
-black scrapes everywhere on his body (including his face where he slid along the tarmac for several meters after being hit by the car).
I stood beside him completely in shock, I was trying desperately to say something to him in the hope that he'd hear me and know that I was there for him but I froze and couldn't do a thing.
He lay unconcious on the life support machine for 12 days - during which we didn't know whether he was clinically dead or whether he'd regain full conciousness. Luckily after that he slowly came round and was able to recognise us but he had to learn to speak/walk and eat again over the next 6 months he spent in hospital. In mid 2001 he returned to work only to find his short term memory and ability to organise things in his mind had been severly damaged by his accident - he retired early.
Above all that, probably the thing which was equally as hard for me was the fact that the Procurator Fiscal made a number of administration mistakes with their paperwork which meant that the person guilty of causing the accident was never brought to justice - they send the case documents to the wrong police station and therefore the 90-day case lodging period had lapsed. Even worse is that we know the name of the guy who caused the accident, and know where he lives - it was very sickening to think that after all the suffering and loss we suffered the guy is probably driving around now.
At about 00:30 we were taken to see him and discovered how bad it was:
-Punctured lung
-Two broken shoulder blades
-Broken ankle
-Broken knee cap
-3 broken ribs
-3 brain hemorages
-black scrapes everywhere on his body (including his face where he slid along the tarmac for several meters after being hit by the car).
I stood beside him completely in shock, I was trying desperately to say something to him in the hope that he'd hear me and know that I was there for him but I froze and couldn't do a thing.
He lay unconcious on the life support machine for 12 days - during which we didn't know whether he was clinically dead or whether he'd regain full conciousness. Luckily after that he slowly came round and was able to recognise us but he had to learn to speak/walk and eat again over the next 6 months he spent in hospital. In mid 2001 he returned to work only to find his short term memory and ability to organise things in his mind had been severly damaged by his accident - he retired early.
Above all that, probably the thing which was equally as hard for me was the fact that the Procurator Fiscal made a number of administration mistakes with their paperwork which meant that the person guilty of causing the accident was never brought to justice - they send the case documents to the wrong police station and therefore the 90-day case lodging period had lapsed. Even worse is that we know the name of the guy who caused the accident, and know where he lives - it was very sickening to think that after all the suffering and loss we suffered the guy is probably driving around now.
25-08-2010, 06:44 PM
#26
losing my old man ,the nite defore he died i didnt wana leave his side but family
draged me home died in the nite ,and seenin the chapel an streets full were we lived
he new every one an keeping my game face on for my mum and family getting them throw the day was really hard for me
draged me home died in the nite ,and seenin the chapel an streets full were we lived
he new every one an keeping my game face on for my mum and family getting them throw the day was really hard for me
25-08-2010, 06:52 PM
#28
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Reading this reminded me of my Grandads funeral and after the service my nan who had been going downhill mentaly for a while looked at me and said 'I know you'. Don't know how I didn't cry.
25-08-2010, 07:04 PM
#29
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Hardest time for me was when my cousin had cancer, tuner started at the base of her spine and made it's way up to her brain, 18 months of suffering watching her deterioate was horrible. She died at the age of 13 at the time I couldn't deal with seeing her go through it all, still remember the smile she always wore and the way she could brighten up any day.
Rip megan never forget you xx
Rip megan never forget you xx
25-08-2010, 07:55 PM
#30
Mine was leaving my partner and 2 kids aged 4 & 1 in may
Not worried about her it's the kids I miss she won't let me see them atall and the bond I had with my 4yr old son was massive never ever will I bond with any 1 else like that again he was my best mate my everything and she knew that that's wots killing me so bad I even tried doin myself but seen the light so to speak.
Cos 1 day I know I will see them again.
That was the hardest thing I've ever done lads and I hate every minute of it
but I had to leave her life was so bad together been rowing for a year or more
Not worried about her it's the kids I miss she won't let me see them atall and the bond I had with my 4yr old son was massive never ever will I bond with any 1 else like that again he was my best mate my everything and she knew that that's wots killing me so bad I even tried doin myself but seen the light so to speak.
Cos 1 day I know I will see them again.
That was the hardest thing I've ever done lads and I hate every minute of it
but I had to leave her life was so bad together been rowing for a year or more
25-08-2010, 07:59 PM
#31
............
Mine was leaving my partner and 2 kids aged 4 & 1 in may
Not worried about her it's the kids I miss she won't let me see them atall and the bond I had with my 4yr old son was massive never ever will I bond with any 1 else like that again he was my best mate my everything and she knew that that's wots killing me so bad I even tried doin myself but seen the light so to speak.
Cos 1 day I know I will see them again.
That was the hardest thing I've ever done lads and I hate every minute of it
but I had to leave her life was so bad together been rowing for a year or more
Not worried about her it's the kids I miss she won't let me see them atall and the bond I had with my 4yr old son was massive never ever will I bond with any 1 else like that again he was my best mate my everything and she knew that that's wots killing me so bad I even tried doin myself but seen the light so to speak.
Cos 1 day I know I will see them again.
That was the hardest thing I've ever done lads and I hate every minute of it
but I had to leave her life was so bad together been rowing for a year or more
25-08-2010, 08:00 PM
#32
We were taking at work today about the hardest thing that we have all ever had to do, and it made me think. I've had some tough decisions to make and had to do some really difficult things (as have we all) but this one was the toughest for me. As some of you may know, my dad died suddenly on 7th January this year, and he was buried on the 22nd which was a Friday. On the Tuesday (19th) I went and physically saw my dad for the last time at the funeral directors and actually said 'goodbye' to him, knowing that I would never see him again. That was THE hardest thing I have ever done.
So guys, what's the ONE toughest thing you've ever had to do ? Please keep this clean and sensible topic, and maybe we can all learn something
So guys, what's the ONE toughest thing you've ever had to do ? Please keep this clean and sensible topic, and maybe we can all learn something
25-08-2010, 08:06 PM
#33
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Ive only read a few replies and im crying already,cant read anymore.
Ive been lucky that no person close to me has died (except when i was young). But i broke my heart holding my dog as he was put to sleep.
Also, in april I took my Nan to see her friend who was dying in hospital as she had a chest infection but had simply given up living (she'd suffered with emphysema for years too) . It was awful trying to be strong for my Nan as she said goodbye to her friend of 70 years.
Old age is shit.
(bawling me eyes out now!!!!)
Ive been lucky that no person close to me has died (except when i was young). But i broke my heart holding my dog as he was put to sleep.
Also, in april I took my Nan to see her friend who was dying in hospital as she had a chest infection but had simply given up living (she'd suffered with emphysema for years too) . It was awful trying to be strong for my Nan as she said goodbye to her friend of 70 years.
Old age is shit.
(bawling me eyes out now!!!!)
25-08-2010, 08:11 PM
#34
TBH life is so unbearable at times especially when I see guys with there little boys ive actually got tears in my eyes now
all I want is to see my kids it's so shire how the law goes with wot a twisted women can say
she's had my house raided twice saying I had guns lol I got locked up for 8 hours while they conducted there bull shit enquires etc but nothing was found
25-08-2010, 08:26 PM
#37
Ben
I think it's fair to say that THE hardest thing to have to endure in life, is death. Whether it be a friend or family, nothing can measure up to it, not even a rusty rounded wheel nut.
RIP to all those lost, but never forgotten.
RIP to all those lost, but never forgotten.
25-08-2010, 08:40 PM
#40
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As most of you guys i,ve also been in the situation of losing someone close, my father died many years ago and i still remember going back to the hospital to say goodbye and to tell him that i'd take care of my mother for him. Back two years ago i found my mother dead in bed that was hard but strangle peacefull as she had always said that she hoped one night she'd go to bed and not wake up, so in one way she had her wish. Even with this one of the hardest things i,ve ever had to do was when my wife's mother was on a live support machine she asked me what would i do as the doctors had given her the choice to turn it off as there was nothing else they could do, what do you say???