1 for the Ladies of PF
19-01-2005, 12:54 PM
#1
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1 for the Ladies of PF
ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MUM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up
there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can
tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
chequebooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
Sorry couldn't resist but put this up as theres always more then enough about woman on here
x x x
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up
there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can
tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
chequebooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
Sorry couldn't resist but put this up
as theres always more then enough about woman on here x x x
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20-01-2005, 05:39 AM
#18
K155MYRS
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Oh Yeah!!!!! here's one for the guys!!! 
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "that's great, but I wonder what's further up?" and up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better," she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman. "Very tempting, but there must be more, further up!" and again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think; what must be awaiting me further on?" so up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart and have a nice day
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "that's great, but I wonder what's further up?" and up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better," she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman. "Very tempting, but there must be more, further up!" and again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think; what must be awaiting me further on?" so up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart and have a nice day
20-01-2005, 07:41 AM
#19
PassionFord Post Whore!!
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lol @ Eric
Ok ok,,,Rob you said "oh give us men a break",,,,well what about you lot giving us a break,,,check the below out
Okay, Okay, it *finally* all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist
AND ....
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
Ok ok,,,Rob you said "oh give us men a break",,,,well what about you lot giving us a break,,,check the below out
Okay, Okay, it *finally* all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist
AND ....
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
20-01-2005, 07:50 AM
#20
PassionFord Post Whore!!
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Well.... what chance do we have???
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it,
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take
a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it,
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take
a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
20-01-2005, 08:17 AM
#23
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pmsl @ Mark,,,,ummmm na ya still don't have a chance
Hello Nic,,,,,I take it your new to this site,,,so thought I'd say hello
and welcome
x x x
Hello Nic,,,,,I take it your new to this site,,,so thought I'd say hello
and welcome x x x
20-01-2005, 09:11 AM
#24
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and welcome nic79 On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get
into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight
attendant noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to
touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and
as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one
labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon
his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't
have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed
the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his
underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder
puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to
this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving
pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't
wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his
eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
"What happened?" he exclaimed.
"You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse. "The last
button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
Men Never Listen
Sorry Guys!!
Back to the woman bashing!!....https://passionford.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96931
20-01-2005, 10:52 AM
#25
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Re: 1 for the Ladies of PF
Originally Posted by Nikki
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
you seen ron jeramy!
I hate to tell you this but!
All men are not created equal! UNFORTUNTLY!
and i aint talking about his looks or belly!
20-01-2005, 11:40 AM
#26
PassionFord Post Whore!!
WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5,000; Tux rental - £100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives,
on December 24, in 45 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5,000; Tux rental - £100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives,
on December 24, in 45 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
20-01-2005, 12:14 PM
#29
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.
20-01-2005, 12:20 PM
#31
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman
When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "NO" then get mad when you are believed.
Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be mad about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend." when you mean "It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!"
Whine.
If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.
No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.
If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
Complain.
Hate any bar that he likes.
Demand to be treated as an equal in everything........except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc.......... these are required gifts proving his love.
Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress in your life
Remember that ANY woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled cheap and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.
Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.
Break into tears for no apparent reason
Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.
Insert yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.
SO TRUE
Tell your boyfriend it is OK to go out with another girl, who is just a friend, and get mad when he does.
When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "NO" then get mad when you are believed.
Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be mad about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend." when you mean "It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!"
Whine.
If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.
No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.
If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
Complain.
Hate any bar that he likes.
Demand to be treated as an equal in everything........except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc.......... these are required gifts proving his love.
Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress in your life
Remember that ANY woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled cheap and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.
Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.
Break into tears for no apparent reason
Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.
Insert yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.
SO TRUE
Tell your boyfriend it is OK to go out with another girl, who is just a friend, and get mad when he does.
20-01-2005, 12:23 PM
#32
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me?! = Too late, you're dead
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me?! = Too late, you're dead
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