Oranoco

I'm still about.

Been spending time with my friends and family. I've grabbed a few essentials and an staying at my mums for a few days. I don't want to be in our home without her.

I never knew pain like this existed. I'm tired, and just when I think I have cried all I can, I cry some more.

I just want my Rachel back. What more can I say.

Thank you to everyone for their words. I'm sorry for doing this publicly on the forum but I am finding it easier to type my feelings than discuss them.

1.9 xr2 on 40's

still reading pg1 but if it were me i'd tie up loose ends and sod off to oz for a while, i did that its fookin great, but ya need some wedge and ya need to tie up the shit 1st, whole different outlook will soon follow

the world is biggger that hertfordshire

fuzzy

have you considered shagging her sister?

Shandy-Ade

Sorry to read this mate

But it does get easier with time, my Ex cheated on me a few yrs back and has since married the same bloke, we have a kid together so when i would go and collect him at the weekends it used to hurt big time, but now i couldn't give a toss and it's not cos i'm with someone as i'm single (still )

Good to hear you've been spending time with family / friends as thats who you need at the mo, i wish i had mates that were there for me but there you go!

Best of luck mate, and i would take previous advice (cant remember you posted) but dont ring or txt her how ever hard it is to resist as she will just get off on it.

DanRSturbo

Pisser chap, absolute pisser that even spanking the RST wouldn't fix. My Advice ? Live like like an alcoholic for a few days. If your missis thinks you've taken it on the chin and got on with your life then maybe she'll think you ain't fussed about it, if she hears your 2 shot's of Vodka away from blowing your brains out like Rigg's in Lethal Weapon then it may give her a different perspective on the situation.

I thought you'd sold the RST from the post and missed it, but upon reading found it much worse. If she wanted to leave you a month ago, and didn't show no signals of it that you were aware of then I guess it could be down to the thought of marriage ? Maybe suggest meeting with her in a week or 2 alone, go for a coffee or something and just talk. Listen to what she has to say and don't interrupt or argue. If you was happily engaged and marriage freaked her out then fair enough, don't worry about the wedding and just be happy, My old next door neighbour lived with his missis for 20 years and didn't see the point in getting married but did eventually, it don't change nothing.

If you fancy a binge drinking weekend, give me a shout near the end of the month


And by binge drinking I do mean hitting it from the moment your eyelids open

BillyCabrio

iTrader: (1)

Shit news Steve....

My thoughts are with you pal

stevenebm

iTrader: (6)

fuck me 10 years of your life to her and then she just leaves you.thats a hard one to deal with.beleave me i have been to the bottom of many a places because of women.you might not beleave this but you WILL get over her and find someone else.it might take time.its the only thing i can say to you as i know how you are feeling as ive been there before.mates at this time are priceless and gettin out with them just to take your mind off it helps.plus it also gives you a chance to have a swatch at the other fish in the sea.

MadMac

Thats a good plan mate, be with people, it helps.

re the pain, if you think of how it feels think of the countless songs, poems, stories that have all been written about the subject. Yep it hurts, but I promise, it gets better.

I know you say you want her back, but someone always loves on more than the other and a relationship.. and I'm sorry mate, but it wasn't her. And what ever the problem was, she obviously didn't feel the same way about you as you did her, and she opted to give up and turn your world upside down rather than try and solve it.

My Mrs aked me why do you think people break up the other week as all we seem to be hearing is news like this. My responce?

"Obviously, the person that walked away didn't love the other person more than issues they had."

And thats what it boils down to mate.

Harsh I know.

BUT THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

Trust me.

boothy

iTrader: (14)

Going through this aswell,so fucking hard,the pain you feel,hope you sort it mate ....

wapster

dont like to see bad things happen to good people.chin up dude tomoz is another day and it does get easyier.all the best fella ;0)

pani_k

iTrader: (1)

COCHYN

I was really hoping this was one of those funny jokes, that start out depressing and end up with a funny twist....REALLY wish it was one of them threads

So sorry to hear

Rs Baz

sorry to hear this mate i know what it feels like to love someone....

i girl i know took her own life last year ive just found out its left me in a bad state, i dont want to work, i hate myself for something that happend and i feel like its my turn to go..

its along story and im going to get help for this

Chip

iTrader: (3)

I'll give you some advice based on my own experience of going through the same and feeling exactly the same, I doubt you will take it though as its hard to see past the sort of feelings you have now to realise that you still have plenty to look forward to in life.


Snap out of it, she isnt worth it, just pull yourself together and try and see things properly in perspective.

You are currently suffering from a mixture of seperation anxiety from missing being around her and hurt pride from the fact she doesnt want you.
If you allow yourself to continue feeling the way you are currently you could slip into depression or worse.

Keep yourself around people, it will lessen the seperation anxiety, but for god's sake dont spend your whole time going on to people about how special she was and how she was the one etc, they will pretend to give a shit but ultimately if you keep doing it they will just get very bored of you, so try and focus on other things.

Rs Baz

chip is right you could slip into depression or worse ive been in that stage and it lasted for 8 years all things go to your head once its there it will take along time to snap out of it

3i_gaz

mega blow to you physically and metally but as said, leave her be.

keep your chin up and let whats going to happen just happen.

either way, you will end up happy. she comes back then its happy days, she dosent, it will take time but as the saying goes, plenty more fish in the sea.

take it easy

CRAIG HAYTER

Sorry to hear about that nothing worse than losing someone you deeply love

Oranoco

Well we met yesterday and she laid it out in no uncertain terms. We are through and she doesn't want to try and make a go of things.

I'm done. I need time for myself for a while so may be extremely quiet, I do hope to come back once the dust has settled. Thanks for the comments on this thread and to those that have called, PM'd me with their thoughts.

I now need to concentrate in ensuring I don't lose my home as well as the woman I love.

Thank you

Steve

CossieRich

iTrader: (1)

What are her reasons then Steve?

rsnissan

iTrader: (9)

sorry to hear this Steve.

you WILL be fine after a bit of a time out mate trust me.

RSRoy

Sad to hear this

But life goes on mate, there are a lot people who want to support you in these harsh times.

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

Hopefully not being jiggy with someone behind his back


Time to get your chin up and get out and about. Secure the house first which will be a big relief. Then get on the sauce and see if you can find your 2nd notch on your bed post


btw pmsl@how's the car and shag her sister

Chip

iTrader: (3)

TBH, I cant see the point in him paying much attention to why, thats when you end up lieing there at night thinking "what if...." etc
If she is really that adament that it is over, I think he just has to not think about her at all for a while and try and get on with keeping himself busy with his mates etc.
No good dwelling on the past once its clear it is over, have made that mistake in the past myself and it just messes with your head.

foreigneRS

i knew this relationship was doomed to failure when i saw your missus being spit roasted by Tobermory and Great Uncle Bulgaria

Oranoco

All she tells me is that she just doesn't feel the same about me anymore. I hope there is nobody else but i know she has been sending and receiving a lot of texts from a guy she works with. I raised this a while ago as the phone bil revealed 155 texts to him in a month. I spoke to him at the time and he swore there was nothing to them and they were just friends. I spoke to him face to face yesterday which he wasn't keen on but the ultimatum was come out and talk to me or i was coming in to get him. He did face me though and assured me there was never at any point anything untoward going on. I wasn't 100% convinced but convinced enough the fat end of my pool cue remained on the back seat and not placed in my hand.

I have this horrible gut wrenching feeling they are going to hook up once the dust settles. I hope to God I'm wrong or I will ruin the little worm of a man.

Oranoco

Thanks, that really fucking helps right now

Kamike

I wouldn't lowwer your self to that level mate, my advice take it or leave it would be to get on with your life. My Ex is furious that I have moved on and found a wonderful new girlfriend, its the best revenge as im now happy as a pig in muck and she isnt.

Chip

iTrader: (3)

You went through her phone bill and counted 155 texts to a guys number and confronted her about it?

TBH if any partner of mine was behaving in such an insecure and untrusting manner I think it would effect how i felt about them as well.

IME women dont tend to be attracted to insecure men and find it insulting not to be trusted, so it sounds like things have been heading this way for a while if you started behaving that unreasonably.

Lambchop

iTrader: (1)

chip i know what you mean but on the other hand are you happy for your mrs to txt a "workmate" 155 times?!

DanW@FastFord

iTrader: (1)

It's utterly gutting that it's not worked out between you and her, and I totally feel for your situation, but now it's over by FAR the best thing you can do is get on with your own life. Keep out of her life as it'll just make your healing process take a lot longer.

The quicker you get back on your own feet and stop thinking about what she's doing the quicker you'll 'heal' and the sooner you'll be able to return to normality.

And if this fella does end up hooking up with her, it's not his fault. Did she not see someone before you? If so does that make you a 'little worm of a man' for seeing her after him?

At least you know that it's over so you can start afresh. Rather that than an undecided missus keeping you hanging on and messing with your mind!

It's an utter cliche but things will get better with time, you've just got to do what's right for you now (family, friends etc) and it won't always feel this bad.

MikeR

I am not insecure but would not be impressed if my misses sent 155 texts to a male work mate,

Mike

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Yes, perfectly happy, why should that bother me?

I believe Jo, (the girl im seeing at the moment) isnt a worthtless cheating slut, and that any such text conversations would be entirely innocent and appropriate, so it wouldnt bother me in the slightest.

In fact she has a good mate who lives with her as her lodger, who she spends loads of time with, they drive each others cars and do all sorts of other things that I guess would bother someone insecure, but that doesnt bother me at all as she tells me he is just a friend so I believe her that is the case.

If at some point in the future it comes out that in fact Ive misjudged her and she isnt in fact worth my trust at all, I will just shrug my shoulders and walk away and think "oh well I havent actually lost anything as clearly she was never worth having in the first place I just thought she was and I was wrong in my judgement call"


Im of the opinion that if you dont trust someone then you shoulnt be with you as I dont beleive that ANY relationship without trust is actually worth being in, so if I didnt trust anyone I would simply leave them, not go snooping around looking for evidence etc.

Oranoco

I didn't go through her bill. It was our bill and I merely stumbled across it when we were filing the paperwork. I never confronted her in a sense of "why are you sending messages" I asked if she was ok and saw she'd had a lot of contact with this guy and did we need to talk. I had to ask as I was worried for her and us. Catching a problem early and dealing with it is always the best way. It's like driving with the oil light on, stop immediately and sort the problem, or carry on regardless until everything explodes.

I've always trusted her 110% but that sat funny with me.

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Ive got female friends I send far more texts than that in a month sometimes, CossieHelen off here for one, but that doesnt bother my mrs and im sure it doesnt bother Dave either, why should it when we are just mates?

Chip

iTrader: (3)

That just reads to me like you are saying the things you think you should say like "I trusted her 110%" but that it isnt actually true as if it was then you wouldnt have had any concern just cause she happened to be chatting to someone.

MikeR

It would sit very funny with me as well so dont think you are wrong to think that

Mike

Oranoco

I really can't explain everything right now my head is all over the show and i'm probably not typing things that make sense.

We were very happy and doted on each other. I never stopped, saddly she has.

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Sadly thats often the case, been there myself.

Was genuinely very happy with someone, and so was she, but over time we just gradually grew apart, I hadnt really noticed this but she had, and her feelings changed and mine didnt, which left me feeling like you do now.

I was young and not been through such things before and so it hit me pretty hard and I ended up very unhappy for a good few months afterwards before I finally decided to just view it as a time in my life that was good and was now over and just take away some happy memories and stop asking myself all the "what if" questions and to look forward not back.
I was a lot happier after making the decision, but Im sure its not something you can just do cause someone tells you to, so I doubt you can take my advice even if you wanted to!

ISB RS

Sorry to hear this mate, feeling for ya....

I know this sort of pain hurts big time, but try and spend more time with mates and family and keep busy with the car in the meantime. I know its easier said than done, but give it time and space and things will start to look a little lighter and easier.

One day at a time
who knows, you might sort things out with her...

Chip

iTrader: (3)

Good advice

Ironically, if he just gets on with things and pulls himself back together that is more likely than if he follows her around like a lost puppy anyway.


Im of the opinion a women is like a stray dog in a field.

If you run away from it, it will chase after you, but if you chase after it it will run away from you.