1.Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2.Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3.There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

4.Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5.Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6.Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

7.Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

8.Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

9.Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

10.It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

11.What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in wintertime he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

12.When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

13.Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

14.If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

15.If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

16.You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

17.If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

18.If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

19.You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

 

 

absolute class!!!

 

The Brent-meister General!!

 

one of these had a much better line on that went:

statistics are like a lamp post to a blind man - more for leaning on than illumination.

top line.

and number 4 fits our office quite well

 

no sa bad