L33 BYT

The Ex Mrs and I split up a couple of months back after some rum old years and I have frankly handled it pretty badly as it was a school relationship and we had been together 11 years. Any hows I am getting back on track but I need some advice on two things.

A) Our joint bank account, I need to either dissolve the account or pass it over to her, as she kept on our rented house.
The bank states we have to go into a branch together and sign some forms, but whilst Bex and I are on good terms she always has an excuse not to come down and do it.
I know she wont, but what if she stops paying money into the account and fucks me over, my name is still on that account and still my responsibility too.
i have also been paying money into the account so I know she has enough to cover the bills and people have said I am a prat for doing this.

B) Our house is rented and again we need to hand over tenancy to who ever decides to keep on the house, she is living at ours currently but she is never there she is always on the piss and staying about in mates/fellas houses.
I am on a sofa at mums and its really hard to settle as there seems to be no stability. The rent on our place is cheap, very cheap so its silly to give up the house. but I dont want to be an arse hole about the whole thing however I feel doing the right thing is leading me no where apart from me being walked over.
C) She seems to be talking to people and finding out what I have been up too, when I am due out she drops me a text telling me not to do things I will regret Or drive safely.
Whilst I still love her very dearly I feel she still has some form of hold on me which then fucks my night up

Any one who has had to go through this shit have any advice to offer, I dont want to involve solicitors and stuff,
Note we are not married or engaged, but guessing how long we have been together I guess we have certain responsibilities together.

THEYGOTMETOO

I agree, you are a prat for paying money into the account, i'm sure she is capable of financially supporting herself, if not, thats not really your problem.

As for responsibilities to each other; if you've split you don't owe her anything, she isn't your concern anymore - ex's are in the past. Sounds like its time for you to start looking out for yourself rather than someone else.

Personally, if i were you I would completely remove her from you life as soon as possible and move on, if that means being on bad terms with her, so be it.

It's Czech Mate

Been there mate, in exactly the same situation. Get her totally out of your life asap especially if she's messing with your head. You NEED to move on otherwise you wont be able to sort out your own life. What she does with hers isnt your responsibility, especially if she's thinking she has some sort of hold on you......take controll of whats happening to you. Best thing I ever did despite having some tough times whilst sorting the shit out.

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

I knew mine wouldnt too. 12years and 2 kids. She Did.
Get hold of bank manager and fill him in with facts at once. Any overdraft/SO/DD/BACSA is half yours by law.

Get hold of landlord and fill him in with facts at once. Any unpaid rent is half yours by law.


I felt the same Lee. Eventually it led me to being fooked over in a big way when she started to fill the cards in joint names etc etc.


It is hard, anyone who says it is wasnt truly in love with the person they left. But for me, the only way in the end was a clean cut.


Only financial ones, and once you inform them of your spilt and pay any dues, your free of them. Please see to it ASAP mate, dont get screwed by the woman you once loved and trusted with your life like i did.

fuzzy

any kids involved?

mk3matt

horrible situation mate, not unlike a friend of mines. split up with his gf ( of 4 ish years) . it was on her terms, he wanted to staty with her. she would go out, get drunk and he would sit at home and beat himself up that she was alrady with other people. after about a month we decided to go out on the piss / pull / cheer him up and after hardily talking to him she text him all eve, getting his hopes up.

basicly, although she didnt seem it, and may not possible have been trying to, she wernt over him and in fact was being fuking manipulative.

i cant help you with your financial problems, im not to good with it all. just be weary fella. hope you get through it all ok mate i really do. soz i cant be more help, just what you where saying propa hit home!

Nath

You've had some great advice so far and I can't really add that much too it.

You need to cut all ties with her straight away and start dealing with your own life. She now has no hold on you what-so-ever!

Change your mobile number (or get a temp pay as you go, for now) and make a point of not letting her know what it is.

Your apart for a reason and that reason is that you don't see things the same way any more. Its hard, its not nice but don't beat yourself up about it. Its not your fault, its one of those shit things that life can throw at you that you'd prefer to just sweep under the carpet.

In life things aren't always right for us. This wasn't for you this time but your turn will be here very soon, so get out there looking for it and enjoy your freedom. Just don't let her start playing games.

Stand on your own two feet and prove to yourself that you can do anything you want to. I've been down the same road after 18 years. I'm now fully loved and couldn't be any happier, it goes to show that you need to make use of what you've got, not what you haven't got


Sorry if I'm rambling on a bit or seem a bit harsh If you need any help, advice, want somewhere to crash out the way for a few days to collect your thoughts, then feel free to contact me.

L33 BYT

Guys. Meaning this very seriously, I respect every response I have had from you.
I think in my head I know I need to do the same I guess. Its strange your right I have beaten my self up big time, Shut alot of people out at the same time too like my family as emotionally I get upset and I dont want my family to see me crying.
I even went out in Newquay the other night on the lash and it seemed wrong I was chatting to other females. One of which danced like pure filth in front of me.

I miss her company very much and feel alone, most of my buddies are now settled and I do not have the confidence really to go out on my own. I will sure keep your advise in the front of my mind and will try and jump on it now that I am off holiday.

Cheers people.
Lee

L33 BYT

No thankfully, however there is something here that I am also having to deal with as I had shut it out of my life for 2 years like the ex had to. However splitting has bought this memory back and kills me to the bone....

l0ubie

lee hun!
just because your mates are settled down doesnt mean that they stop being any less of a mate to you!

organise a lads night out, im sure they would be grateful too!
or just get a few lads from work together for a couple of beers!

most of my mates are loved up! but yet we make sure that we all see each other on a saturday, share the gossip and have a laugh over a few drinks at the local!!

its a shitty situation that your in, and i know that you will miss her a hell of a lot! but i think the suggestion of getting a new number is a good thing! that way she cant mess you about as easily as she's doing so!!

find something you enjoy doing! whether it be a car, music, travelling!
and sink yourself in to it!

If you can afford it, take some time out and go travelling! even if its only for a few weeks! leave your phone at home. and just take the numbers of the people you want to ring!

you will meet new people, have a chance to think and reflect and relax!!!

Goodluck hun!!
xxx

L33 BYT

well funny you mention that. Been away in Cornwall near Newquay all last week with 2 sets of mates, there mrs's and one has a little girl.
Was fantastic, we got largered up, went to zoo, went swimming in sea, went walking and made use of my camera.

I guess to a little extent perhaps I am trying to hold on, when she text's me deep down I know she cares about me, But I think the time has come for me to clean break. I was just hoping I would get a little more from 11 years than the cloths I stand in.

So any one fancies coming out fro some beers. Let me know

l0ubie

i would come hun! but im off to turkey in 5days!!!

Rick Astley

Sounds like you deserve a clean break as well as needing one.

I think I said this last time, cut your losses, do everything you can to get her out your life, it will hurt in the short term but in the long term you WILL come out top!

Do something for yourself for once. Sounds harsh but fuck everyone else. Oh and initially you have to force yourself into situations that will feel uncomfortable. But at the end of the night once you have got over the initial feeling you'll smile to yourself.

CHIN UP!

Nath

If you've took the step of writing what you have in your first post, then your well under way of knowing what you need to deal with Things will only get better

KSA-Cossie

iTrader: (4)

Keep the house and cut her loose totally m8.

L33 BYT

shes in it mate.
She just wont make her mind up and say if she is bloody staying or going. I did try to contact her and say look your at your sisters/mates all the time perhaps you could think about moving out.

Whilst I would be loaded staying at mums, I do have to come to terms with being 28 in a few days and living at the folks.

KSA-Cossie

iTrader: (4)

Aah,who pays the rent ?

L33 BYT

We transferred an equal amount each month into a joint account. Whilst I do not put in the full amount, I have the last few months put in a couple of hundred quid to ensure there is enough to cover bills etc.

wimble

my bother is going through the same thing lived together 13 years a house joint bank accounts etc
its not plesant at all break ups are never easy
the only advise i could give him was

you need to start afresh
take a long break or go out with youre freinds
sit back and decide whot diection you want to take with youre live
remember there are plenty more fish in the sea
and things can only get better
hope it helps

fuzzy

you need to stop letting her call the shots and string you along and take the lead. tell her either one of you has to go and tranfer the rent etc to the one remaining etc etc. you make definative decisions about the practicalities and tell her what you are going to do. it could go either way by forcing her hand to admit either her intentions of staying to try again or her going out the door which would have happened eventually anyway. that way it saves it dragging on for weeks/months unresolved and causing any feelings of bitterness to snowball to bitter hatred.

Punkie

Lee,

Can't add to the advice that anyone here has given you. You know my opinion on the situation anyway.

If you need to chat you know where I am!

x

GUZZLER

iTrader: (3)

Lee, its a shame, i've seen you posting on here for years & you always seem such a nice guy, probably half your problem, your to nice!
nothing like the shit feeling when you care for someone & they don't treat you the same, normally no matter what anyone says it dosn't matter, you follow your heart, its only natural i'm afraid, at least you didn't have kids envolved, that makes it even harder
best of luck getting on with things & remember, sometimes time is the best healer.

fuzzy

although some might say that an on the rebound strange bit can be just as good at dulling the immediate pain.

It's Czech Mate

Oh yeah, my other bit of advice.....because i felt a bit lonely and all my mate lived away or were settled......I made new friends who I knew would be out a lot. It sounds hard and you have to force yourself but everytime someone says to you...."why dont you come out with us on blah blah" which happens quite a lot....force yourself to go....you'll soon expand your social circle.

DONT whatever you do start sifting through your phone/facebook account and try contacting your old ex's !!

5 years later i've just got married to an amazing woman and the dark times of splitting my life in half seem a long way away, and I had LOTS of fun on the way!

rssteve

just chuck the stuff out of the house and tell her to collect it from drive, contact the land lord and tell them you want the house/rent in your name and if he does not agree stop paying him at once and explain that its her job to pay as your out. Not sure about the bank but there must be something you could legally do if shes not willing to go in.

rssteve

oh and the best thing you could do is get rid of your mobile, get a new number and only give it to people you can trust will keep it to themselves, this way she has no way of contacting you so she will not be able to mess your night up.

L33 BYT

Seriously mate, I really appreciate that post. Its nice when an outsider makes a complement about your personality. I openly admit perhaps I can be too nice. its not to bargain chip I use to get affection it was just how I was bought up. I would do literally any thing for any one. Perhaps ahead of my self.
Any ways I will be paying my self some personal time for my self and perhaps look into some new hobbies. I would love a new project like a mini with silly rear wheel drive engine.
I just wanted to reply to your comment as I genuinely appreciate that comment.

sam182

saffmanlee
im in the same boat mate my girfriend of 5 years packed her bags and left this week because i cant afford a house for us and she wasnt happy renting, its tearing me apart inside because i love her to pieces and im rattling around the flat on me todd now wondering if i could have done anything better, i even would have sold my cars but it wernt enough, people keep telling me to keep my chin up and ill come through a stronger person but it is very hard to accept. hope it works out for us both mate

L33 BYT

Well I am alot further down the line than you. It will be some shit times ahead, sorry to be blunt but they will.
However I promise things will mend mate. Chin up as said.

Aaroncast

Thing Wont Get Better!!!!!!!!
Sort Yourself Out You Soft Get ,why Come On Er Trying To Get Sympathy-
F---------grow Up ----------------
Shes Getting It Large Of Someone Else Now -so Move On -

GUZZLER

iTrader: (3)

theres a few people on this site that would loike to 'give you large' with a blunt instrument at least you managed to turn caps lock off

Stu @ M Developments

iTrader: (12)

If your honest with yourself, you wouldnt be in a hurry to stop someone giving you a couple of hundred quid a month for free either. It has to stop Lee, and you know that deep down, you just need to mae that move.

L33 BYT

Mate, who ever the fuck you are.
Grab a spoon from your cupboard and come round here and eat my arse hole with it.
Sympathy. Mate fuck off I never wanted sympathy.
Why dont you try growing up, frankly I couldn't give a fuck if she is getting it from some one else. I would genuinely be happy for her.
I'd be even happier if she was fucking you, that way I would know what your lined up for.

Have a good evening

KW-rscos

Like Stu says get it sorted, dont want to be screwed over by her, and dont worry about having the confidence to go out, just get on and do it, Im sure there are enough people on this forum alone near suffolk that would go out on the piss at any chance they get.

Turbosystems

iTrader: (5)

listen to stu he has been there done that as Have I
It is never wise to have joint bank accounts go into the bank and inform them and stop paying your money in
Notify the land lord and give notice of termination
The only ties you have are any residual feelings the bank account and the tenancy agreement.
Sounds to me she wants everything except you.
You were not married so don't need a lawyer
You are one of many relationship break downs thats life I'm affraid
look at it this way you have been cut free to find the true love of your life

CossieRich

iTrader: (1)

Wow, that is the 1st post from Tony where he doesnt sound bitter and twisted. Get laid last night did you mate?

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

and thats the tamest reply ive ever heard from you where there is a woman involved

AS above though, i would definitely cut all strings and try and move on, it will get better over time

Sarah

Turbosystems

iTrader: (5)

funnily enough I did roflol
however the romance did cost me finance lol

CossieRich

iTrader: (1)

naturally lol

RWD_cossie_wil

iTrader: (9)

Lucky escape mate, if thats the reason she left it just shows how some women are ... If it was meant to be she would have lived in a bedsit with you IMHO