Oranoco

Amazingly, due to pressure from feminists, Guinness have been forced to publish a FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records. Here are a few extracts from the British edition:

CAR PARKING
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs Elizabeth Jackson, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12 October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own car and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamposts.

FILM CONFUSION
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28 of October 1990 when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breathtaking 2mins 48 secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, him in the glasses?" This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 40 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?"

INCORRECT DRIVING
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr Julie Thorn (GP) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2 April 1987. Dr Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the record for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.

JUMBLE SALE MASSACRE
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on 12 February 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00 am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-day skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p, which escalated into a full-scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.

GROUP TOILET VISIT
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a nightclub in Newcastle-upon-Tyne on 12 October 1994, Ms Beryl Crabtree got up to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toiled at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2hours 37 mins later.

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

PMSL at the film one

Chipperx2

Nice one mate like the driving one

gearboxman

My dad once took my Grandma and Grandad to see "The barber of Seville" (an opera).
The've sat through virtually the whole performance, when, with about five minutes to go, my gran has suddenly piped up with "Oh, he's a barber!"

gearboxman

Sorry, is that after sex or film?

cossymad

ballin

iTrader: (1)

corker!