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Dog and Cat diaries

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Old 13-06-2007, 09:55 PM
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Chip
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Default Dog and Cat diaries

** Excerpts from a Dog's Diary**

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



** Excerpts from a Cat's Diary**

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
Old 13-06-2007, 10:03 PM
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Mrs T
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thats good
Old 13-06-2007, 10:07 PM
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AlexF
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LMAO!

so true too!
Old 13-06-2007, 10:22 PM
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That's very true. Lol!
Old 13-06-2007, 10:35 PM
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lol very true
Old 13-06-2007, 11:04 PM
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charlie luciano
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That is a hell of a lot more of a diary than the cat we used to own, from aug 76 to mar 95 it used our house as kind of a bed n breakfast, ie it would come in at night, (the only person who could get it to come in was my Mum) it would eat a load of grub crash out til my old man left for work the next morning round 6 am, he would let it out and the cycle would start all over again fuck only knows what it used to get up to during the day time


Luciano
Old 14-06-2007, 06:10 AM
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Graham S1
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The dog one is spot on.
Old 14-06-2007, 07:04 AM
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dojj
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Originally Posted by charlie luciano
That is a hell of a lot more of a diary than the cat we used to own, from aug 76 to mar 95 it used our house as kind of a bed n breakfast, ie it would come in at night, (the only person who could get it to come in was my Mum) it would eat a load of grub crash out til my old man left for work the next morning round 6 am, he would let it out and the cycle would start all over again fuck only knows what it used to get up to during the day time


Luciano
probably spent his days writing a diary
Old 14-06-2007, 07:37 AM
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RichardPON
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The cat one just reminds me of Stuey from Family Guy!

That's class though
Old 14-06-2007, 09:17 AM
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Rhys
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FPMSL!
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