Anonymous

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I
Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!"
and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could
be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I
found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When
the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a Cnut!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'Cnut' next to it, and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really
bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a Cnut!" It always cheered me up.


When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "Cnut" calling would
have to stop. So, I called his number and said,"Hi, this is John Smith from
BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and
said, "That's because you're a Cnut!"

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For
Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first Cnut (I had his
number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover Cnut,
too.

I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes,
it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live
at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's
parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a
good time to catch you, Steve?"

"I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell
you something?"

"Yes?" "Steve, you're a Cnut!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an
idea. I called Cnut #1.


"Hello?"

"You're a Cnut!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Steve Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal
grey Land Rover parked out the front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying
your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Cnut," and hung up.

Then I called Cnut #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, Cnut," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll do what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a*se," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, Cnut, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my
gay lover.

Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice
Street, Ilford.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just
in time to watch two Cnuts beating the cr*p out of each other in front of
six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

Result....

Now I feel MUCH better.

Take it from me, this anger management really works...!!!

ballin

iTrader: (1)

good read

MAD EVO 4

fooking superb chip

Graceland

Absolute qualitahhhh

Anonymous

dont give me the praise mate, i just copied and pasted it, lol

Fil

yep really all thos expressions at the same time!

Miss Fiesta Turbo

wicked read!

Fil

hmmm smells a bit, how'd he know cunt 1 lived close enough to pop around cunt 2s house?

Anonymous

From the dialling code for the first bloke being local to where the range rover bloke lived you braindead piece of rectal mucous.

Big G

What a cnut

Cossie Helen

iTrader: (1)

LMFAO

Dan Cossie

TOTAL QUALITY

cheeky dog

at first i thought you were telling a true story! if only it was

once we had a problem with a real idiot while out on the road somewhere and he had a for sale sign so took the number. few days l8r made him drive from coventry to london but he said he was down in the morning anyway so he could kill two birds' but what we did was make him wait until 7 O'clock when we were suposed to meet at 4O'clock, then when he finally got hold of us on the phone i ofered him 7 grand for a motor selling for Ł12,000. he got pissed and must have gone home.


he was a real wanker hence the eason we did it

Lou Lou.

Fpmsl

Anonymous

.....for a moment i actually thought shit,Chip is actually giving his own material...but yet again unoriginal and stolen for his own attension seeking..Who needs to browse other websites when we got Chip to do it for us and copy and paste.

saphlover

Thats fooking brill

Dan B

Anonymous

Interestingly about half a dozen or more of these sort of humourous posts get put up on passionford everyday, but the only person you love enough to comment about is me, im flattered phil, i really am

sjm

thats cheered me up no end!

Fil

doh

Anonymous

I only look at your posts cause i think your a cunt.

Manchester Mike

Funny as fuck

ECU Monitor Enthusiast

iTrader: (1)

Chip,

I thank you for taking away my stalker

Anonymous

I didnt mean to take him, he just fell in love

Anonymous

yep fell in love with another cunt..will i ever learn?...although its a surprise as i normally like a bit of hair on a cunt

Phil DJ

That story is fucking quality!!!

Brian

iTrader: (2)

PMSL!!!!!!!!



Brian

buggynut