Idiots.............
24-07-2006, 09:11 AM
#1
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Idiots.............
Number 1 idiot
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Number Three Idiot
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put
all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
Number Four Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21". The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
Idiot Number five
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody moves!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a
sign; he probably figured it out himself.
Idiot Number Six
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that
smarts.
Give him his sign.
Idiot Number Seven
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Number Three Idiot
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put
all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
Number Four Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21". The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
Idiot Number five
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody moves!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a
sign; he probably figured it out himself.
Idiot Number Six
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that
smarts.
Give him his sign.
Idiot Number Seven
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
24-07-2006, 10:42 AM
#7
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More signs needed - 
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock. I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "No - We talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it!"
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me! Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So.. is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock. I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "No - We talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it!"
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me! Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So.. is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."
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24-07-2006, 03:21 PM
#10
Originally Posted by icelollies
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So.. is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."
24-07-2006, 05:34 PM
#12
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