Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the rear and
a "Nice going, you'll get it next time" would pretty much be it.

~ Birth control would come in ale or lager

~ Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it
only occurred on leap years.

~ On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow you got to
spend the day drinking. Mother's day too

~ Garbage would take itself out

~ The only show opposite "Monday Night Football"
would be "Monday Night Football from Another Angle."

~ Instead of a "beer belly" you'd get "beer biceps"

~ Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

~ Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free
cards per year

~ Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you
could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that
said "You're #1!"

~ When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during
the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of
the screen during a time-out.