A selection of english jokes
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A selection of english jokes
Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.
Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.
Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,
white and blue in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing
stock and crumbled in the box.
Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portugese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 Minutes
and still come second!
Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal
team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!
Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence
Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman
in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by
the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated: "I find it
totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a
successful pass to or at anyone."
Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.
Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and Jimmy
Hill.You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot Jimmy Hill - twice.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead
English football fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle.
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.
The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when
you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything
inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is
colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans.
They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are
interchangeable."
Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English
football jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his
family from the embarrassment.
Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps with
pictures of English football players on them. People couldn't figure out which
side to spit on.
Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to
their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.
Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.
Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,
white and blue in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing
stock and crumbled in the box.
Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portugese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 Minutes
and still come second!
Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal
team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!
Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence
Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman
in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by
the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated: "I find it
totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a
successful pass to or at anyone."
Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.
Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and Jimmy
Hill.You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot Jimmy Hill - twice.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead
English football fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle.
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.
The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when
you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything
inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is
colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans.
They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are
interchangeable."
Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English
football jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his
family from the embarrassment.
Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps with
pictures of English football players on them. People couldn't figure out which
side to spit on.
Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to
their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
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