Couldnt find my original post i mentioned mate, but i did a google and found this copy of it on a few other forums




Chips guide to Bar Horse Power:


Right, ive noticed a lot of magazines and stuff quoting BHP figrues against cars and thought i should take the time to explain what these are.

Basically the figure they are quoting is the most important factor about the performance of a "phat/wicked ride".

Brake horsepower and Torque are all very well, but the main figure that counts is Bar Horse Power, this is the figure that you tell your mates down the pub.


To calculate this use the following rules:

STARTING POINT
The manufacturers generally handpick an engine that they know is on the right end of tolerances for testing, this means that often its a higher figure than an average new engine actaully makes, ignore this fact and swear blind that your smoking nasty example of a now half fucked engine makes the figure claimed, round up whenever possible, so 152bhp = 160bhp etc

BOLT ON MODS
Obviously the correct way to get more power from your smoking engine with poor valve seal and rings that are about as tight as freedy mercury's arse, the way to get more power is to ignore those facts (see "starting point") and just bolt tat onto the outside of it.
These mods can include filters/exhaust/dumpvalve etc, or even semi-internal mods like cams, we wont cover things like bearings or rings cause those arent very shiney so you wont want to replace them.
The manufacturers always state the gains that you will get from a mod, often your car wont be listed specifically with a power gain, so just pick the biggest one that is, if a skyline can pick up 22bhp from an exhaust, then so can your saxo, again dont forget the golden "always round up" rule.
The figures should all be added up, and round up again.


ITS A GOOD'UN
You need to add a proportional value based on the "its a good'un" factor of your engine, basically, as this is YOUR engine not anyone elses, its special, so the mods will all make more difference, so multiply the number up a bit to take this into account.

STICKERS / SPOILERS
Race cars have them, so you need them too, the key thing here is to NOT buy ones that apply to anything you have fitted, go for stuff that isnt even made for your car, so Greddy/HKS/Blitz is ideal for an XR2i.
Now the thing to remember with modifications to a vehicle is that they work in harmony, it all comes together as a package, exhaust will compliment head mods, filter will work well with a decat or whatever, now stickers are about attitude, and attitude is what counts out there on the street (or halfords car park).
Take the % of your car covered by stickers and spoilers and add that onto your BHP figure as an attitude adjustment (dont forget to round up!!)



WORKED EXAMPLE:
Fiesta XR2
quoted figure (use a guess if you cant find the manufacturers), 94bhp
filter (using the figure for a porche 911) - 11bhp
Exhaust (using figure for a skyline) - 22bhp
decat (never had one so you get this without doin anything, PHAT!) - 12bhp
sticker coverage = 47%
spoiler coverage = 12%
Its a good'un factor = 25%


We'll do the rounding first:
So the calcs are:
94 round up = 100
filter round up = 20
exahust round up = 30
decat round up = 20
sticker round up = 50%
spoiler round up = 20%
good'un round up = 30%

So 100 + 20 + 30 + 20 = 170
plus stickers 50% = 255
add spoiler factor 20% = 306
add good'un factor = 397.8

Final round up = 400bhp



This however is only your basic Bar Horse Power figure, make sure when you quote it you increase it inversely to the age of the girl you have with you at the time, and in direct proportion to the number of pints you have consumed.


Hope that helps if any of you are getting your "phat modded chariot" featured soon

 

 

The Bible on so many cruise sites

 

classic!!!

 

hey hey, i made 2985 bar horse power...... off to the pub now....

 

I started reading that as a serious post, thinking "bar Horse Power? WTF??" and then it soon dawned on me

 

im so gettin the pug stickered up now, maybe i can match the 5k of torque pulling the bastid diesel about

 

Does that mean my ERST has more power than the rollers can measure ?

Cool I'm also off to the pub to impress all the underage chav ladies who should be at school and buy them a Bacardi Breezer might even get a lovebite if all goes well

 

PMSL

Steve.

 

Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:11 pm Post subject: FAO Stu @ MSD

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Couldnt find my original post i mentioned mate, but i did a google and found this copy of it on a few other forums




The cock is bigger than i once thought..a complete member by the looks

 

Because i wrote something funny enough for others to copy and paste to other forums?

You REALLY REALLY do want my willy up you dont you phil?

 

...you got it

 

..please stop running to mummy (mods) chip I bet you used to do that all the time at school PMSL..teacher teacher the nasty boy is teasing me

 

Nah, at school i was just a schoolboy too, so i just used to punch anyone who annoyed me, but now im a grown up and im in a grown up environment (well kind of ) i stick to the rules like all the other grown ups manage too, which is why i dont keep getting banned for being a naughty little boy like you do phil

If you dont like the rules here about not being allowed to stalk me, then dont post here

 

you forgot the phat paint scheme = yellow

 

<---- REAL tears