Less, there really are people that can help, Have you got anyone local to you that you can talk to, Family, friends...

There are positives in your life, but when you are down as much as you seem to be its hard to see what they are. Try and listen to some of your friends on here, i have known of you since the early days on RSOC, then Turbosport and now here, you are a well liked person.

I have been in a similar situation to you, hard to admit, but i did need help. I turned to some of my closest friends and they helped me through it.