My original board supposedly came from a working car, but was goosed

Quick way to prove everything else is to put the coil back on the car. You only have to desolder 2 wires off the ECU IIRC.

If it starts, that proves the ECU/Chip/sensors etc are fine and its the board at fault.

This is how i fault found mine.

Give me two mins and I'll find out what wires need disconnected.