Originally Posted by warrenpenalver

On paper i have in theory got people to talk to, "lots of support" etc. In reality its not like that though and i wish i could explain it to fucking shrinks, psychologists etc.

They just see that "on paper" i have support and lots going for me It would nice to make them understand that all of that is fucking bullshit!!!

I only have a future planned out because its what society expects of "normal" people!!! I imagine it wouldnt go down well to tell someone "i dont have any future plans as I struggle to see the point when id be better off dead". Such views are not "socially acceptable".

But whats the fucking point in blindly setting yourself up for a future you dont believe you will be around for??? Its all very well saying im capable of this and that and clever enough to do that and that, and yeah i may well be but i wouldnt be doing it for me.

Exactly the same for me.

If i like someone its generally because they are a good person, and i'll take a bullet for them if needs be and go to the end of the earth if thats what it takes, doesnt matter if ive known you a day or a lifetime. Thats just what im like, kind of all or nothing.

Where as if i dont like someone then I wouldnt piss on you even if you were onfire and wouldnt feel any guilt about putting 2 in the back of your head A bit Harsh I guess.

A lot of people dont seem to get that im all or nothing like that. They dont get how i will give so much for someone i barely know. Just how i am i guess, maybe partly because of the forces mentality where you can be expected to risk everything for a mate you barely know, maybe partly because i dont value my life.

Same, if someone lets me down then thats it. They're out for good. Andmore often than not-people let me down.

And more worryingly i try but cant change it/dont know how to change it, yet the people who could in thoery help me think every things rosey and i have no way of explaining the real problems to them to make them "get it"

This is how this thread came about. There are things i have to work on tofix my life-maintaining relationships is one, but its easier said than done.

Sometimes i wish i was thick. life would be much simpler then.
Yes, it would. You could kid youself instead of facing reality!

Originally Posted by Rides

yep feel this way everyday... 2004 I ended up in hospital on high dependancy unit! life support.. after loosing my home, job..and partner of 15yrs and kids...and ended up in prison on remand! major long messy part of my life. took over dose just wanted to die... poxy hospital saved me mind you they told me i died 3 times.. but as for someone close to me to talk too NO.. yeah i have family and kids but none of them really understand the shit i had to suffer.. lifes a struggle each day for me.. can't work anymore which gets me so pissed off.. boredom one of them... takin medication daily.. also sucks.. and will never trust anyone 100%..

Originally Posted by Roscco

It's amazing to read through the variety of experiences different people have had over the course of thier lives.
Between us all we could potentialy help deal with almost any situation (well, within reason).

Myself personally, i had several people i was really close to both friend and family. However my own self destruct system triggered a good while ago and since admitting to my addiction nobody wants to know.
I've built so many bridges, knocked them down, then tried to rebuild them again i'm getting pretty good at it. It's the memory's and shame that causes me most grief.

In a way, i'm my own undoing.

Originally Posted by fuzzy

my right hand mans been there since primary 3 and has stood side by side when ive been on a hiding to nothing during the heavy times, the fact that my beautiful daughter in my avatar is alive today can be also put down a significant part to him .
thats a real mate.

Originally Posted by kitted_escort

mine is the other way around, when shit happens ive all ways got alest 6 people to talk to, mum, dad, sis, bro, g/f, mates