A fella i used to work with was always comin up with lies, every monday he used to come in "been bangin this bird" etc....

From the many stories he had was.....

"Was walking near the ferry terminal the other night and this bird around 40 come up to me and started chatting, she said she wanted to pay me £50 to go back to hers and have a shit on her glass table while she lies under and fingers herself"

Or another one...

"Was bladdered and couldn't get a taxi or the tunnel bus to go under the mersey so i waded through it, only went to me neck"

We fuckin ROFL laughing at that the pleb.