Originally Posted by Thrush
Right, I'm usually not one to post personal issues or problems up on a facelss BB, but fuck it - can't talk to family about it, so I'll talk to you....
There's a long story behind all this, but I'll spare the details and give you the short version.
Some years ago, my father decided that life with his family wasn't good enough for him, and not what he wanted. He betrayed us all, through both actions and words, and I found out my father was a liar, who then abandoned his family, and left.
Sicne then we have not had much contact. In recent years, he has tried to bridge this growing gap, but I am a firm beliver in standing by what you say and do. My take on it is that once a door is closed, it remains shut - cannot be reopened. His calls and messages to me go unanswered, and I make efforts to not have to see or speak to him.
Of course, tho, it is that time of year again. As usual he came round again yesterday to see my sisters and brother, and I remained invisible and didn't see him.
But with xmas being on Monday, and today being my birthday, I have now got the two obligatory cards, which both (more than likely, as I haven't actually touched them yet) contain cash/cheques.....
And this is the dilemma. What do I do with them.
On the one hand, I feel his betrayal to us/me demands that he owes me, and I keep whatever is inside them, and lord knows I could use the money!
On the other hand tho, by keeping it, it means I have accepted it as a gift - which I do not want...
So I have two choices. Keep it, and make the money, which in my eyes is tainted, good, or send it back.
I am not a vindictive person, really I am not. I do not set out to intentionally hurt people or cause pain, but I realise that by sending whatever he has given me back, that I will most likey cause pain.
But at the same time, this can't go on, and something needs to be done to put an end to it, to seal the closure of this relationship....
What would you do?
I have one mum, one dad, and a dad i do not care for.
My grandad is the only piece of family that makes the effort and this year, i responded to him for the first time in years, and i hope the letters carry on. My mum left my dad, so it wasnt even by his choice, but he dont give a fuck with me, so im trying to get him in more shit, may sound evil but i dont care, he deserves everything he gets.
Be greatful for a father that tries to keep in contact with you please. My dad was a alcoholic, my mum left him because of it,a nd he never chased after me to get me back or even to see me, and thats the most heartbreaking thing to think your dad dont give a flying shit about you. Take advantage of what you've got.
But if he has really hurt your family that much, send it back, but for someone that been trying for so many years (from the sounds of your post) , that would be heartbreaking, is it not possible to speak to him at all?