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Excerpts from a dogs' and cats diary...

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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 11:32 AM
  #1  
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Default Excerpts from a dogs' and cats diary...

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!





EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY.

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.


They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to
use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe.

For now.........




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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 11:37 AM
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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 11:48 AM
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PMSL
That's the funniest thing I've read in ages, LOL!
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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 12:07 PM
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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 01:33 PM
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lol thats class!
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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 01:46 PM
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sounds like that baby out of family guy
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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by ballin
sounds like that baby out of family guy
Stuie
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Old Sep 24, 2008 | 06:33 PM
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ive seen this so many times, but every time if makes me laugh!!
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