Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it... Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you

live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism

of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Cheers!



Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry.



Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?



Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A:If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales.



Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape! And remember:



Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - wine in one hand – steering wheels and footballs in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "what a ride



A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday.

As they had not been dating very long he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note, romantic but not too personal.



Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to C&A’s and bought

a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.



During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and

the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note…



“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we

go out in the evening. “If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.



“These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she

had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled.



“I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.



“I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will

come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.



“When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.



“Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year! All my love.



“P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”