Rectum Stretcher

While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e., 10 mph over the
limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on
the other side laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I
work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then, I slowly
but surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?", asked the cop.

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
Look on that Cop's Face: PRICELESS


Ian