So, what's available to me, doesnt have to be mega fast, but BIG, good MPG, probs upto 15k but the cheaper the better obviously. I'm so hacked off with cars at the moment I'd even consider a shit diesel 306/406 for sub 1k

Go halfway between the two
http://www.pistonheads.com/sales/3798398.htm
personally, I have no problem throwing endless money at a car, but the one thing I really hate is depreciation. And a £15k 5 year old diesel is going to depreciate hard and fast seeing as there's likely to be a million and one of the same car for sale at any given time.