I feel for you there as I also suffer withthe same thing
It is a bit of a nightmare especially when you sit there in front of a a pack of 100 strong pain killers and think that they will ease the pain once and for all!
I think the worse bit you have actually passed and that was to admit to yourself that you do have a problem and that problem is/could be depression. That is the best start for you, it was for me.
I saw the quack and she gave me a test there and then, that I scored 22 points on (I think it was) which put me in a group for the depression. She gave me some tabs and sent off to see a mental health specialist. In about 3 days he called me to make an appointment (was very quick). The shrink wasn't a great experience and I came away feeling it was an utter waste of time. He pulled funny faces at some of the answers about how I was feeling. I thought that you bloody asked me and so I told you
Anyway the tabs were crap and made me feel sick, dizzy, unable to talk and walk properly and generally pretty lousy. I stopped them straight away and saw my proper quack. He gave me something else called Citalpram (I think there the ones). These seemed to work wonders without actually feeling that I was taking something. I had no side effects and they were working. The next test I scored 21 points still high but coming down. 3 month later my test results were at 16, which was in the medium level. I stopped taking the tabs (on my own back) and I am not doing too bad atm. Just recently feeling like I could kill myself again and that the whole world is on my shoulders and I wouldn't be missed if I just went out and drove as fast as I could in to a wall or something harder
I have no get up and go as it seems to of got up and gone a long time ago.
I have been out of work since May last year and can see not much hope of me getting another job in the near future. I still see myself as being at the bottom of the food chain and I have no self confidence in my life what so ever. I have a girlfriend who seems to be supportive now! She wasn't and that made things very hard to cope with and I have 2 boys that also depend on me.
I hope that what you do and what ever you take (if anything) helps you out no end and remember there is allways someone there that loves you and will help you to the best they can
Sorry about the wee essay
