As a kid i was never properly beaten or kicked about, was slapped a few times (mum) but as she was for the most part a single parent i never had a father figure to rule supreme so to speak.

Violence of any sort was never an option for my Mum as from about 11 i was bigger and not far off stronger than her anyways, so anything just got laughed/shrugged off. The only hold she had was removal of things like tv, computer (Big one was internet) total deprivation of stuff that mattered to me.

Looking back i don't think anything else would have taken my life in a different direction, i have problems/issues (like many others) but feel on the whole i'm a fairly well adjusted adult who knows the difference between right and wrong.

To me, physical pain causes resentment and more violence brews, not the answer. IMHO get your mrs on the same playing field and take things from there.