"you were just a splinter in my arse as I slid down the bannister of life" - Can't remember where I heard this one, had it for a while though.

"who looks at the mantle piece when they're poking the fire?" - My dad, talking about various women.

"work to live, don't live to work." - My dad on the principles of having a job.

"why is it always I that gets hit at and hurt at?" - My elder brother after my eldest brother "beat him up" when kids.

Cheers,