Kieron yeah im the same i keep imagining im a monster but wake up to that body every day

Yeah ive been into bodybuilding since a young age but never taken it seriously with myself.I come from a family of boxers on dads side and bodybuilders on mums side and decided myself i would do kickboxing instead lol.My dad being a champion started me young in the boxing but was just me and him messing around really until i was 8 and went to boxing.Lasted 6 months or so and decided it waseant for me so then went to football,that lasted a few years then got into kickboxing when i was 12 until i was 16/17.I then had a break for a bit,well women really lol,then started bodybuilding at 18 but never went for big build always went lighter weight and higher reps etc and kept lean.This lasted until i was about 20/21 then a major turnaround in my life stopped me doing anything for a long time until as said about 6/8months ago and have now decided im nearly 30 getting fat and want to get big

I know i should have been alot bigger by now but my diet is so bad at times its stopping me growing.I eat clean and well for about a month then bing on shite for a month and so on and so on but i honestly think the smoking is making me bone idle to keep cooking as ide rather have a fag and cup o tea than cook tuna pasta etc but im hoping to stop this monday as im sick of not seeing results i should be seeing so the fags have to go!!

Sorry for the long speel but i hope it explains things a bit further.Oh and just to add throughout my life i have always had a keen interest in how the body works etc and thats where my knowledge lies.Ive read soooo many books etc and know how to train and eat properly and can advise anyone with anything really just cant take my own advise