Im still really confused deb... You say you still love me but you are now blocking me out, you can surely tell how much i love you.. The house seams empty already even with my granparents there. I miss you like crazy and cant begin to put into words what im feeling, i just cant understand how we have ended up in this mess, i know why we have i just cant understand how!!
I know people are probably telling you that you should be on your own, do you think they would be if they had the oppurtunity of being as happy as we could if we both worked at our relationship.......... I mean you wouldnt see george or maize in the pub half as much if they had partners, if they settled down with someone tomorrow do you think they would listen if you told them to be single

Im not begging for you back debs im just trying to explain how i feel, i hurts too much to talk to you, and i cant text.. Everyone makes mistakes deb and what pulls you through is working on them and not allowing them to happen again, something special can only be built by hard work and commitment, i know i havent shown you much of either recently, but ive been scared of being hurt....

I dont know when or even if you will read this..

But just so you know im sorry, and i love you......




I dont understand you though debbie, you told me twice yesterday you still love me, it is perfectly obvious how i feel for you. How many times do I have to tell you that i know i fucked up?
I cant explain why deb, i always thought you would leave me, it was just you seamed so pissed with me all the time.. You never deserved to be hurt like i hurt you the other day and i know the fact that nothing physical happened doesnt change how you feel.
Its true though you dont know what you have got until it has gone, and now your gone!! I know it sounds like bullshit but the reason i used to say all the stuff about not wanting kids etc was because i dont think ill ever have them (coz i do stupid things all the time) and the marriage thing, its not that i dont want to get married, i dont ever want to get divorced. Obviously these things are still a long way off in my life and im not saying them to try and win you back. Im trying to win you back because IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU but im such a dickhead ive fucked things up for us again. I meant what i said in the car that night in Glan Conwy, ill try, but you would have to aswell.

We have had a lot of amazing times debbie, definately more good than bad, you have made me so happy and have been such a devoted girlfriend, i cant believe that you can just walk away from that, not if you have been honest with me, it just doesnt make sense. You said you still love me, i know i love you and right now i feel lost, it kills me to think that we are over for good, i couldnt sleep last night i just kept watching my phone to see if you would text, just thinking of you now makes my eyes fill up and my stomach turn to knots....... If you love me how do you not feel this???

those are the pms ive sent her on the board yesterday, as when im in college its the only way to contact her, its easier to write it to, you can get it all out in the right order...