from my shrink its stress thats built up and my way of dealing with it. i used to let it build up and up and up and never let it go and for me so instead of blowing my lid, its me having panic attacks. But cause i tried to crack on for about 2yrs with them and not sorting the causes they got worse and the better of me and last September i lost my job due to them. That was the final bullet and i just couldn't leave my house no more. Not that i didn't want to just didn't want anymore attacks (i fucking hate being at home and that was before the attacks lol) and thats my way of not having them was not to go anywhere. Then i was constantly pissed for 3 months just to get me through the day even though i was sick of drinking but i was not having attacks. But new year new start i started to learn to deal with it better i only have a few beers on a fri or sat night, don't drink at all during the week.

But i'm having Cognitive Behavioral Therapy every 2 weeks, relaxation cds, hypnosis cds, green tea, changing my diet, exercising and thats helping. i'm getting out a bit more. i would like to say i'm coming up to half way of getting sorted. but im just gagging to work again. i worked straight from when i left school after my last exam (10yrs today actually lol). i worked for a good few years 7days a week for 8months a year. Absolutely HATE not working. £114 every 2 weeks from the government gets you fuck all when your outgoings are higher than that just on bills/debits from the past. Hence why Asylum Seekers get my back up cause i wanna work but i cant right now and i hate taking money off the government but i have to right now and these fuckwits just walk in and get everything handed to them and more and a place to live

Still worse people with worse things than me, yeah i hate it with a passion but must not grumble... as Arnie said "I'll Be Back"

and if i get a critical error after typing that i'm gonna launch this monitor out the window