Stolen from XROC

A major flood hit the Doncaster area village of Toll Bar on June 27, 2007.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried by 8,500 racing pigeons.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering
"Bloody' ell fire" and "choofin nora" soon after the waters came.

The floods decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from
the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived.

Radio Doncaster reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with something
interesting happening in the area.

One resident, Tracey Sharon Braithwaite, a 15 year old
mother of seven said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay
Madonna Tiffany Skye came running into my bedroom, crying. My youngest two, Tyler Morgan
and Brittany Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was
watching "Tricia" later that morning".

Apparently though, looting and car stealing carried on
as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000
crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the flooded properties
and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include
benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china
from Poundland.

How can you help?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing
parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster.

Clothing is most sought after, items needed include:-

Fila or Burberry baseball caps.
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed
all the same.
Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of
baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms,
£2.00 buys fish and chips and blue fizzy pop for a family of 8, and
£5.00 will pay for a packet of Benson & Hedges and a lighter to calm the
nerves of those affected.

Urgently required is tinned whippet food.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is
unfair on the population in the neighbouring areas.