I've never been so stuck with something on a car in my life! Really embarassed and totally fucked off!

This was suposed to be a half hour job that has turned into a complete nightmare

I'll admit I've fooked up but I need help getting out of this jam! Please help PF!

Basically I needed to fit longer wheel studs to the Esc Cos did the fronts very easy.

The rears.. I couldn't see how I would get the studs in and out because of the rear brake shield so I took the rear caliper off to see if I could get better clearance at the top... nightmare begins...

I couldn't get any better clearance and it turned out there was enough clearance at the bottom of the shield to do the job anyway.. cool so I thought put the caliper back on end of prob... oh so wrong

I couldn't get the caliper back on because of the clearance between the pads wouldn't fit on the disc. I couldn't push the caliper piston back in it was hard as a rock.. so I thought if I took the handbrake cable off it would release the pressure and the piston would go back in.. what a mission spent about 2 hours (no lie) trying to get this fooker off the hook managed to force it off and it didn't make any difference then fucking around with the handbrake hook I managed to push the caliper piston out further! and pull off the spring on the hook

Ok so then totally stuck I still couldn't get the piston back in so I thought if I undid the bleed nipple this may release pressure.. nope so then fucked off I took the whole caliper off and even with a vice and Francos 19 stone on top of it the pistons wouldn't go back in, Franco suggestion was that it was jammed so started turning the pistons back and forth to see if that freed it up... nope but then he realised the pistons could be screwed back in.. so with a clamp he spun the piston back into the caliper... I have no idea if this is what your suppose to do or whether this caliper is now fucked
Any way so the pads back on the disc and bolted up, after a shit load of effort I managed to get the handbrake spring back on but now I'm fucked if I can get the bloody handbrake cable back on the hook.. surely there is an easier way of getting this back on I unclipped it from the beam but it made no difference, have I got to unclip it from the hand brake inside the car or something?? Try as I might I cannot get this cable hooked back on

I'm really fucked off with myself and really need this sorted! plus any advise on waht we did with the calipers piston please