more from the thread further down the page

Until very recently I worked on the parts department at halfords. Some of the fuckwits we got as customers were hilarious. The funniest was probably the bloke who came in with a barried up Renault Scenic, complete with splitter, foliatec tints (naah yo) and gay as a window RGM spoiler. And 17" venoms. Then he claims (to our head of parts who runs an Mi 16 engined 309 GTI on throttle bodies) that he ran a low 13s pass at York Raceway. Fuck me, those F7Ms have some power these days don't they? Our Ripspeed department was not to his liking, so he fucked off at a ridiculous speed out of our industrial park and ripping his front splitter off on a speed bump. We had another lad with a Cunto whose side skirts dropped off in the summer because the glue melted.

I wouldn't say I was the most qualified for my minimum wage employment, but I wouldn't have been caught out by that one. "Dat's dem mazdohs wiv da jizz engine innit" (apologies)

Classic customer questions \ dummy spitting \ complaints included:

A pseudo chav bint giving me a phone bill for a number plate proof of address despite me telling her 20 minutes beforehand and that such documentation wasn't valid/ She responded with the classic "How dare you, I'm getting my husband. I'm a professional, I don't have time for this! (cue tittering from the warehouse)"

A chav telling me his BX 16v "was runnin well gay". On closer inspection his fluid reservoir was full of DOT 4 rather than LHM. Nob.

Another tit kicking off at me because the wheel cleaner he'd bought had discoloured the chrome finish on his 18" Dub things. What were they attached to? A 60 Cunto. Quoth the packaging: 'Do not use on mirror finish or chrome effect wheels.' Fucking priceless.

I can show you the Gunson's \ Lumenition section of 397 Halfords any day if you need it. We'll just have to go via Ripspeed, past all the wanky RGM chicken wire and bright pink foliatec caliper paint..........sorted. Not a fan of disco myself like.