Pardeep

Howdy Peeps

Ok me and my partner (if i can still call her that) are having problems.

I need to word this carefully as i don't know how to write it

Ok so when we met she told me about growing up and things not going so well, Abandoned as a child and left to grow up with her aunt and uncle, Met a guy when she was 16 got two kids from him before he decided to become a coke head and start beating on her.

When we first started talking she was engaged and i (honestly speaking) had no intentions of getting into a relationship as i was still recovering from catching my wife to be in a car with another guy with her tits out and having the nerve to tell me that nothing was going to happen.

So i caught the cheating bitch in February gone (a day before valentines i should add) and started talking to Sinead in April. We met up had a great time and she kissed me which kinda surprised me and things kinda took off from there.

My problem is as of recently she's been in tears and when i ask her whats wrong she says stuff like 'Why do you want me?' "you can do so much better' 'I have 2 kids and you will leave us all' 'You never loved me' 'i don't know what i've done to deserve you' 'i don't deserve you' 'Your to good to want to be with me' and the one that really fucks me off is 'You should forget about me and get someone worthy of you'.

I'll be totally honest i totally understand why she maybe saying all this, i mean she hasn't had a great experience with guys. I mean the guy she was about to marry was a manic depressive and did fuck all for her and didn't give 2 shits about her 2 daughters.

One thing that she was concerned about was my Family accepting her cos she has 2 kids and the fact that i come from a Indian family, she thinks that Indian Parents just won't allow it. I know for a fact that my parents are cool with whoever i wish to be with. I mean i hate Indian women cos they bore the nuts off me with they're materialistic views and how a Indian should Marry a Indian. FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

I am Happy and I love Sinead and her kids are AMAZING. But i'm finding it hard to deal with her being upset over the same thing. Its always about how i'm going to just abandon her and the girls or how i can do better than her.

i just don't know what i can do to help her deal with it all and to build her confidence in me. I don't know what else i can do to make her feel that she deserves to be treated with love and respect, show her how much i care for her and the girls and that i couldn't careless what people think let alone turn my back on them!!!!

HELPPPP!!!!!!

Matt

her feelings shouldnt "fuck you off" just because you dont know how to deal with them!
imo just keep on treating her with the love and respect you are doing and in time she will forget the previous shit shes had and understand that you arent a clone of her ex and that all men are not the same
she needs to have it proved to her that you wont do the things she is thinking
old cliche but time is a great healer

Darren_170

hey bud av jst had ma relashonship crushed last week, 2.5 years and she thinks we dnt have that spark n e more but its not that, shes been hanging round with a different set of mates cos here best mates al moved away to uni and she stayed at home to concentrate on uni more and keep her job and we can c each other but its all gone now, an am tryin my hardest to save this, but man a think you gota jst always be there for her just now as she is obv going thru a hard time esp with it coming up for xmas and you are so different from what shes had before its mibi jst to good to be true for her, dnt loose that rag with it man you obv have a really good impression on sumone and thats sumthin you should grasp and jst be there for her and let her know u aint goin n e where an if she gets upset jst hug her an keep reassuring her that everythings alrite and she doesnt nd to worry man. jst be yourself and dnt argue coz that doesnt get u n e wher as a know u know man, but see wot happens, a hope that helped a bit man.
good luck bud

Pardeep

I never argue with her. I wouldn't argue with her over her feelings. I know things are tough. I just about got through my Exam today with her on my mind. When i'm away from her, the situation is still fucking with me lol

Darren_170

thats good man, u sound like a good guy, but this is the time when shes gna need u most even tho she doesnt seem like it, you jst need to be supportive and show her u care, do youz stay together or away from each other, jst have a nite in an watch a movie an get food in and jst have a lazy nite on the couch an be close man (sounds a bit gay coming from me lol).it shouldnt work u up, she obv thinks vey highly of u man, its hard to say coz a dnt know u or her but sounds like u could end up with sumthin strong man.

Pardeep

Sometimes i stay at hers and sometime back home with the folks. Only go back home to the folks mainly cos my recording studio is there lol

Darren_170

aww man amazing, av got ma degree in audio teech with multi media lol, a got ma own set up to, dun ma live nights and studio work, tryin to get into the bbc the now. how long u been doin your recording.

try an see her as much as possible man, am guessin youz tx all the time too, its all the wee nice things that ppl do, like the small thngs that u think are silly are the ones that make ppl who care smile.

Pardeep

Yeah. haven't been in touch since Wednesday as my best mate past away from ALS disease on tuesday night. She is aware. But i'm having a awful month. Got the funeral on tuesday along with a speech the family wanted me to do cos we had been mates for 20 years then i have a Exam at 5pm.

I've been gigging for ages and bands after bands lol, Starting a new project soon. Recording for about 2 years. Did you ever study Psychoacoustics?

Darren_170

aww man that aint good, av had such a bad past few months aswell, a think everyone has tbh man, yeah a dun a little on phsycoacoustics, was looking a hrtf of the human head, pure indepth man a got lost a little but its really interesting, u working for ne one coz am looking for work so bad man. where u from bud. stay in touch with her man a know its hard for u but shel b there for u aswell man, jst go see here even before ur exam or after, a hope your speech goes well man.

Pardeep

Cheers bud.

I work for Apple Part Time now. Been with them for 2 years. I'm from West London Bud, Where you from?

Yeah the head related transfer stuff is interesting stuff. But i just want to get down to the main recordings stuff lol

Darren_170

nice one man u enjoying it yeah, im from ardrossan which is like 25 miles west of glasgow, yeah it is interesting man, av been looking for work for ages man and cant seem to get n e where, what u driving man.

snedboy

TBH m8 sounds like she's deeply depressed and needs help,proffesional (sp!) help at that!

Been there,done it and wore the t-shirt.Its not to be taken lightly and it takes time but she needs to go see doc's and get on anti-depressants and maybe go for hypnotherapy,better than phsycotherapy (sp!)

Stick by her and all will be better in time

Pardeep

got a Clio 182 now, Owned a cossie and a Focus rs. But ive been waiting for the new RS. I may place a order for one of the last ones. That way i know that any of the problems with the recalls are ironed out and if i decide to sell it i know i can sell it with ease as it'll be 1 of the last production ones lol

Pardeep

FUCK ANTI DEPRESSANTS, they only make people worse. I lost a mate in 2003 cos of that fucking shit!!!

Are you still with her?

snedboy

No im not with her it was me but have experienced women in the past the exact same tbh and they ended up eventually getting help and are now doing well.Same with me and its all well behind me now.Hypnotherapy helped me big time and glad i did it or feel that anti's only wouldnt have worked by now

xr-stu

im no psychologist mate but here are my sugestions. dont sit her down and tell her what you want her to know, write her a letter for her to sit and read, that way she can go through it again and read it when shes feeling especially low which might help.

maybe try treating her a bit, take her to a fancy resturant, take her out and spoil her on whatever. just do more stuff to make her feel special etc

and like someone else said talk to her about it and see if she'd be up for a session with a psychologist just to try and get to grips with what the problem is and how to best solve it. gonna have to be sensitive about it when you raise the subject though.

Dicko&Vacant

iTrader: (3)

I would sit her down, explain to her how much you love her, and how your nothing like her ex's and tell her you will be there 100% forever, i think its just reassuring her until she does get over her insecurities, if you consistently tell her that your not going anywhere then im sure she will believe you eventually, it might just take some time.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? maybe discuss getting engaged or whatever to show her how much she means to you?

Sarah

dojj

iTrader: (3)

is your ex an indian?
how close are you to your family?
will your folks disown you is you shack up with a "ghori"?
how will the rest of the extended family view these happenings?
are you really worried about what they think of you?
or are you worried that youwill bring potential shame on the family name?
even thoguh your ex has bought the shame on her family instead in the first place and, if it wern't for her, none of this would be a concern at the moment?

them's the questions you need to be asking yourself, then get on with the fact that you seem to be old enough and wise enough to be able to make decisions that someone 8,000 miles away don't need to concern themselves with



hth

Pardeep

is your ex an indian? Nope, She was Assyrian!!!

how close are you to your family? Very Close. I am the Youngest of 3 brothers!!!

will your folks disown you is you shack up with a "ghori"? Nope, They were ok with my EX!

how will the rest of the extended family view these happenings? Fuck Them!!!

are you really worried about what they think of you? No, They worry what i think of them!

or are you worried that you will bring potential shame on the family name? Couldn't care less. You only live once and family shouldn't interfere.

even though your ex has bought the shame on her family instead in the first place and, if it weren't for her, none of this would be a concern at the moment?

She can Rot In Hell!! Her folks still call me to see if i'm doing well. They are hoping i'll work things out with her but thats not going to happen. I've grown up with a weird mentality of 'Once a Cheater always a Cheater' same with people that beat on women (Which i can't stand) My mum always says that 'if a woman is being beat on by her partner she should leave and never look back. A man that hits a woman will never change' and i truly believe that.

Pardeep

The letter idea is good but it gave me a even better idea. I'll add a song to it aswell. Guess my guitar skill will come in handy now lol

So a letter and a Song, i shall get busy this week with it. Will try post it up here.

Pardeep

Hi Sarah (come to help again lol last time it was choosing presents for niamh and beth)

I would love to spend the rest of my life with her. She deserves a good life and the girls deserve to grow up in a loving family (even if we are indian lol)

She has mentioned wanting a child of our own but then when the feelings kick in she'd say something like 'you should be with someone better than me and who can give you kids'. If she wants a child i'll give her one but only once i finish uni and she was fine with the idea.

I don't want to be engaged just yet after all it hasn't even been a year since my last one ended. + i want to make it really special aswell as have my career rolling before i take that step again.

Thanks Sarah!!!

dojj

iTrader: (3)

well then, do what "you" want to do and what "you" think is the right thing to do

DanRSturbo

Backhand har and tell her to stop being such a soppy bint

999

ive known a few birds over the years, the ones with sketchy upbringings can be a right pain in the arse there allso good liers etc for some bizzare reason from experiance, just check first its not a guilt thing ie shes not fucking someone else if shes not then play it safe

matts1

Tough one, maybe she feels down with herself with a low self esteem. I always find that my misses feels better when she treats herself to a nice hair do, some nice clothes, something she wouldn't usually treat herself to.

Then a nice night out, or doing something together. Sometimes it is feeling part of a whole (ie feeling that you an her are one and work better that way).

Even being invited to do something together makes my misses more chuffed, what ever it is, from doing a bit of decorating and letting her make the choices on how it will look, to going to a car show, just things that you do together on a daily basis that makes you both feel like you are a team.

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

Shes trying to push you away to hurt herself.

Shes used to shit relationships and probably feels she is worthless and deserves to be hurt and alone. So you come along and be all nice and genuine and it "does not compute" in her head and seems too good to be true. She then truley believes your going to leave her so she takes control and tries to push you away as it hurts her less to get rid of you under her control/terms. It then becomes a self fulfilling phrophesy where she reinforces her insecurities even more.

She wont change until she resolves her insecurities. How long that takes depends on her character and how emotionally damaged she is. She may need professional help to get there.

All depends how much shit you can put up with to get there and if you think "shes the one". You may be better off cutting your losses if shes not the one as it will be draining and stressful relationship when shes on a downer.

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

Shes trying to push you away to hurt herself.

Shes used to shit relationships and probably feels she is worthless and deserves to be hurt and alone. So you come along and be all nice and genuine and it "does not compute" in her head and seems too good to be true. She then truley believes your going to leave her so she takes control and tries to push you away as it hurts her less to get rid of you under her control/terms. It then becomes a self fulfilling phrophesy where she reinforces her insecurities even more.

She wont change until she resolves her insecurities. How long that takes depends on her character and how emotionally damaged she is. She may need professional help to get there.

All depends how much shit you can put up with to get there and if you think "shes the one". You may be better off cutting your losses if shes not the one as it will be draining and stressful relationship when shes on a downer.

JohnnyB

fucking hell thats bang on warren

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

My ex was just like it Plus since i went nuts I ended up being agony uncle to a lot of insecure woman I met in hospital etc

Pardeep

If i could, I'd shake your hand mate!!! SPOT ON!!! Well truth is she is who i want to be with. If i have to drain myself and put up with alot then i will. She deserves to have a good life and so do Bethanie and Niamh.

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

Oh and be prepared to get very frustrated as until shes ready to listen, she wont beleive a word you say.

Pardeep

I know. I'm already at that stage with her mate lol

Psycho Warren

iTrader: (5)

just keep it in check and youll be fine