Very funny pic, not quite work safe (rude words)
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Quality - reminds me of that classic joke that still makes me laugh 
This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.
'Where's the pissing, mother-fucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.
The waiter is taken-aback and replies,'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.
The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-fucking manager of this bastard place?'
'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant'.
'Fuck off' replies the bloke 'and where's the fucking piano?'
'Pardon?' says the manager.
'Fucking deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of shit, show me your cunting piano.'
'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'
'Of course I fucking can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.
'That's superb. What's it called?'
'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my dick,' replies the bloke.
The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. 'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'
'I Wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer'.
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads.
The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks the manager.
'As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling out the top of her black lace bra, and the skimpy little 'G'string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin.
The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to furiously masturbate.
He's tugging away furiously when he hears the manager's voice. 'Where's that bastard pianist?'
He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.
The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers
and dripping spunk on your shoes?'
The bloke replies 'Know it? I fucking wrote it.'
This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.
'Where's the pissing, mother-fucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.
The waiter is taken-aback and replies,'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.
The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-fucking manager of this bastard place?'
'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant'.
'Fuck off' replies the bloke 'and where's the fucking piano?'
'Pardon?' says the manager.
'Fucking deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of shit, show me your cunting piano.'
'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'
'Of course I fucking can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.
'That's superb. What's it called?'
'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my dick,' replies the bloke.
The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. 'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'
'I Wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer'.
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads.
The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks the manager.
'As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling out the top of her black lace bra, and the skimpy little 'G'string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin.
The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to furiously masturbate.
He's tugging away furiously when he hears the manager's voice. 'Where's that bastard pianist?'
He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.
The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers
and dripping spunk on your shoes?'
The bloke replies 'Know it? I fucking wrote it.'
Too many posts.. I need a life!!
Joined: Oct 2003
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From: London
Pmsl, I actually met someone with tourettes for the first time the other day, and it is really funny untill you stop and think the guy is trying so hard to have a convo and is really embarrassed that he kept telling me I was fucking scummy c*nt and that I need to go f*ck my sister.
Felt quite bad as it is serious problem, he has lost quite a few jobs because people thought he was talking the piss and so on.
Still it is funny hearing people come out with swear words which you just wouldnt hear normally, its just the brain blurting out stuff at random.
Felt quite bad as it is serious problem, he has lost quite a few jobs because people thought he was talking the piss and so on.
Still it is funny hearing people come out with swear words which you just wouldnt hear normally, its just the brain blurting out stuff at random.
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From: The C.G. Where Else????
Originally Posted by foreigneRS
it is sad, but that tv programme about it years ago was the funniest thing since joey deacon lost his shoe off the side of the ship on blue peter 
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From: Building a gearbox in Markyate
What about that fella with Tourettes in "Shameless"?
Who saw the funniest episode ever, where he takes his mother's yorkie to the vets and has its voice box removed?
WOOF!
Who saw the funniest episode ever, where he takes his mother's yorkie to the vets and has its voice box removed?
WOOF!
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From: Birmingham
Advanced PassionFord User
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From: Dereham, Norfolk
Rich, I heard that joke a good 5 years ago, and to this day I have to say it's still possibly the funniest thing I've ever heard!!
I remember being at work right upto when I changed job's a couple of months ago using the phrase "know it, I bloody wrote it" at every opportunity!! 
I remember being at work right upto when I changed job's a couple of months ago using the phrase "know it, I bloody wrote it" at every opportunity!!
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