Clare

Dont think this has been posted b4, but if it has, sorry

Acura NSX- I am impotent.
Alfa Romeo - I’m looking for Beta Juliet.
Aston Martin DB7 - I have sweaty feet, but still women like to suck my toes, I wonder why?
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Audi TT - I love golf, but I love my car (with no space) more.
Audi A4 - Airhead who wants to be a banker, but is already a merchant . . .
Audi A6 - I like/have to shave my hairy arse.
BMW 3 series - I’m a successful sole trader & I can’t drive.
BMW 5 series - I have a successful limited company & I can’t drive.
BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I’m far too important, but I still can’t drive.
BMW Z3 - I eat bananas with Marmite spread on them & passed 3 GCSE’s.
BMW Z4 - I run a trendy wine bar & have drunk most of the profits.
BMW Z8 - See Nissan 350Z
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states of America.
Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people.
Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Chrysler PT Cruiser - I dig graves & carry coffins.
Citroen AX - I chew on Barley straw & enjoy stamp collecting.
Citroen C3 - I want to escape to the jungle where life is free.
Citroen C5 - I have dreamed of conquering Mount Everest, but then thought it best to get a real job.
Citroen Picasso - From Essex, also see Renault Scenic.
Citroen Saxo - see Ford Fiesta.
Daewoo Matiz - I eat pizza for lunch & smoke 50 a day.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Dodge Dart - I teach special needs children and I voted for Tony Blair.
Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ferrari 360M - I need a counselling session with Jerry Springer.
Ferrari 575 Maranello - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Fiat Uno - I’m a student waster.
Fiat Brava - Daddy buys my cars, one day he’ll buy me an MR2.
Fiat Bravo - I drive my low budget company car.
Fiat Espace - I live on a council estate; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Multipla - I have no taste; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Punto - I have product overload on my hair & consider Pizza Hut an Italian restaurant.
Ford Anglia - I buy all my clothes and consumables from my local pound shop.
Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed.
Ford Escort - I’m a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week.
Ford Fiesta - Hairdresser, no sense of direction.
Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Focus - I’m a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!!
Ford KA - I’m a student & can’t afford a Fiesta.
Ford Maverick - I’m cute, gay & immature and I love peanut butter.
Ford Mondeo - I’m a family person posing as a business manager.
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Orion - I like to cut shapes into potatoes and give them to the homeless.
Ford Sierra - I still think LA Gear trainers are “cool” & prefer it when my mum ties my shoelaces.
Ford SportKA - I’m a geezer-bird/Silly little boy who doesn’t know what real rally car looks like.
Ford StreetKA - Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Ford Puma - I want a sports car, but won’t pay the money for it.
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the autumn.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the autumn.
Honda Accord - I pick my nose & flick the boogers at small children.
Honda del Sol- See Ford StreetKA
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Honda CR-V - I’m a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full.
Honda Jazz - I’m a train-spotter who’s been arrested several times for stalking the trains.
Honda NSX - I’m stuck in the 80’s & never eat my greens.
Hyundai Coupe - I still have acne, but honest it’s just the teenager in me trying to get out.
Infiniti Q45- My job requires me to ensure every Jammy Dodger has no smaller than a 2cm Jam diameter.
Isuzu Impulse- I don’t give a rip about Max Power or their reports.
Isuzu Trooper - I fancy Dale Winton.
Jaguar XJ6 - I’m so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Jaguar XK8 - I’m immature and have more money than brain cells.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Kia Sportage - I consider Car Boot Sale purchases Antiques of the future.
Lada Favourite - I’m a member of the Taliban seeking asylum in Great Britain.
LandRover Discovery - I’m a rich mum, who can’t drive.
Lexus LS400- I’m psychic, I knew they’d be as good as a Merc one day.
Lotus Elise - I dance like an ape & I love watching porn.
Lotas Elan - I go on 18-30’s holiday’s to see how the other half live!
Lotus M250 - Definite liar!!**
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes SLK- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda MX5 - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler.
Mazda RX7 - I know how to treat myself.
MGB- I am dating a mechanic.
MGF - I’m too short to drive any other car.
MGZR - I’m a computer geek & make mohair wigs as a hobby.
MGZS - I’m a posh ginger who claims to be strawberry blonde.
Mini - I’m from Essex, no more needs to be said.
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either.
Mitsubishi Colt - I smell of cheese & shop in Liddles, Aldi’s, Pound stretcher etc.
Mitsubishi Carisma - I have all the charm of a lion in captivity.
Mitsubishi Evo 6 - I was an extra in Fast & the Furious (honest).
Mitsubishi Evo 8 - See Nissan 350 Z.
Mitsubishi Shogun - I’m insecure, eat steak for breakfast & I want a LandRover.
Nissan Micra - I work for M&S, Tesco’s, Wallmart, etc.
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Nissan Primera - I design foe-fur naughty underwear for nuns.
Nissan Skyline - I love speed and I don’t care who knows it, I also have a 3 page list of criminal convictions.
Nissan Sunny - I talk too much & can handle a vindaloo with ease.
Nissan Terrano - See Ford Maverick.
Nissan 350Z - I’m a liar! *
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....
Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I’m also vain & live in a dream world.
Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat.
Peugeot 206 - I wash my car every weekend & I’m on my 2nd marriage.
Peugeot 206cc - I’m two faced and will try and run all you wasters off the road.
Peugeot 305 - I deliver pizzas for a living.
Peugeot 307 - I’m an accountant, I’ve found a car that suites every purpose & no purpose at the same time.
Peugeot 405 - I have a job in the civil service & play poker at the weekends.
Peugeot 406 - My girlfriend has to wear Elizabeth Duke Jewellery so I can afford this car.
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on America’s Ten Most Wanted List.
Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
Porsche 911 - I have a small p*nis, my car is my substitute.
Porsche Boxter - I still live with my mum & treat women like sh*t.
Proton Impian - I have a pet raccoon called Jimmy & prefer shift work.
Renault Clio - I love my Daddy.
Renault Laguna - I’m always drunk, drunk, drunk!
Renault Megane - I’m a lottery winner honest, ok so I only got 5 numbers.
Renault Scenic - I haven’t heard of contraception.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal.
Rover Metro - I spend all day watching Friends & ER, I also like egg mayo and Tuna sandwiches.
Rover 100 - I’m an OAP who always drives at least 20mph under the speed limit.
Rover 200 - I’m too bland for German cars & I never pay my rent on time.
Saab 9-5 - I definitely have more money than sense or taste.
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Seat Alhambra - I can’t cook, have rotten teeth & live on a council estate in Bromley.
Seat Ibiza - I want to be model, but I have no chance unless I bed the photographer.
Seat Leon - My boss hates, that’s why he gave me this as a company car.
Skoda Fabia - I can’t afford a Volkswagen.
Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody!
Smart Roadster - I collect Mars Bar wrappers, I have one dating back to 1948.
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than a life.
Subaru Impreza - I’m just a poser & I want to get shagged.
Suzuki Vitara JLX - I’m a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world.
Suzuki Gran Vitara - I laugh like a demented dog & wear my underwear inside out.
Toyota Avensis - I’m a cabbie & have robbed many liquor stores.
Toyota Camry- I wear my wife’s knickers.
Toyota Corolla - I wear the same underwear all week long.
Toyota MR2 - I’m far too old to be driving this, but at least the women I pull aren’t.
Toyota Rav4 - See Suzuki Vitara JLX.
Toyota Starlet - I like to be different & not in the good sense.
Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong.
Toyota Yaris - I’m a failed student; also see MGF.
TVR Chimera -I’m blind and consider Dodgy Ice a hard-nut drink.
TVR Tuscan - I keep picking up mingers, once had a bird with 3 tits.
Vauxhall Astra - I’ve just got onto the property ladder.
Vauxhall Corsa - I’m single, but at least I’m not a hairdresser.
Vauxhall Frontera - I’m going through my mid-life crisis & want to own a Winnebago.
Vauxhall Nova - Essex-boy-racer & drug-dealer, has had more speeding fines than hot dinners!
Vauxhall Vectra - I’ve been a butcher, a baker & a candlestick maker.
Vauxhall VX220 - I can’t see my feet, as my balls are too big.
Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet.
Volkswagen Golf Convertible - I’m still hiding in the closet, but one day. . .
Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now.
Volkswagen Polo - I own my own salon, but use too much salt on my food.
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife.
Volvo S40 - I’m getting a personalized plate to compensate for not having a Merc.

ballin

iTrader: (1)

pmsl, worked 4 my work colleagues!!!!

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

focusbird

Ford Focus - I’m a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!!

That's worringly accurate


There's no Hummer on that list though

Oranoco

It's utter bollocks but is funny as fook

Clare

Just one that made me chuckle away................ cos it's soooooo true about someone I know.

Spiky

iTrader: (1)

and who might that be