Thursday Funnies.......Essex Bird Jokes

[Lee_R21Turbo]

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames" An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment On the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise." An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?" Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?" Girl: "Sharon." Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?" Sharon: "Yes." Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?" Sharon: "Romford, mate." An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!" An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it? " So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot" "Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave Got C&A on them."

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[_DAN_]

Classics

[Anonymous]

The other version of the car crash joke is better

paremedic holds out one hand with three fingers exposed to her face

paremedic: "how many fingers have i got up love?"
essexgirl: "oh my god, im paralysed from the waist down"

[vroooom ptssssh]

@ C&A

[Lou Lou.]